insane in the membrane
so im back from the dr..
i was there for fucking TWO HOURS.
everything with my blood work turned out okay.
im really really really healthy.
fuck yes for that man.
that makes me happy.
but. then he was like, since there is nothing wrong with
whats going on mentally.
so then he launced into the whole...get back on meds thing.
i told him i wasnt going to.
"its not something you can change, its a CHEMICAL
and so on...for...awhile.
and then he ended with, "and i am not the only one who has
suggested this to you...so i really think its something
that you need to think very seriously about. but, youre an
adult now and can make your own decision."
and i said, exactly. and that i wasnt going to take shit
and he shut up.
which was nice.
but then i called to talk to my mom. which i did. and i
told her what he said. and she told me i should take them.
and i said no. and then my dad grabbed the phone and
started talking to me in his...ohhh little little misled
again on the rant..."hunny...its just a chemical
inbalcance, its not something you can control...its not
that youre crazy you just...need some help."
and im like, i know dad. i know exactly what this shit is.
i JUST had a fucking test on it man.
and hes all, "oh but, its that you dont have enough of a
certain chemical in your brain, seratonin blahblahblah"
and im like yes yes dad youre right. okay i know that. i
know exactly what it controls as a nerotransmitter and i
know exactly why i need it and blah fucking blah
but i am not going to take something to make me happy if i
cant be happy on my own.
and hes like, well you cant be
and im like well i would rather be miserable and me than
happy and drugged up all the motherfucking time
my life. my choices.
i am not putting any of that shit in me.
i will go COMPLETLY INSANE BEFORE I DO.
until i am stapped down in some fucking white gown in a
hard wooden chair, you can believe i wont be fucking
taking ANY medicine that fucks with the chemicals in my
so, either find a way to commit me.
or shut the fuck up.
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