Adam Wheeler

the book of rage
2002-11-05 08:11:47 (UTC)

The Dream

Dear Mom
I had that dream again last night, the one about the
accident. It starts off with who’s ever eyes I’m looking
trough, who ever I am getting ready he has a suitcase
winter coat, mittens, and boots by the door. He looks at
the outside of his passport and a road map he puts them in
a black side bag. He puts the boots on, the coat, and the
mittens. He picks up the suitcase and goes out the door
locking it behind him. He then puts it in the car and
drives off. Time goes by it is night time now it’s clear I
look out the window at the stars. I know the car is going
to fast, it’s winter and there is snow all around and ice,
but still I drive fast. My car hits a patch of Ice… it
spins out, and goes off to the side of the road and hits a
tree….I go flying through the windshield….I hit a tree…I
black out… time goes by again I wake up I can’t open my
eyes they’re swollen shut, and crusted over with my
blood…. I try to move my legs and I can’t I can’t even
feel if they are there. I try to move my arm they’re
broken I think if they’re even their. I feel the warmth
of the sun on my face. I wish I could see the sky before
I die…. I start to cry, the salt in the tears stings, they
run down my cheeks in to the corners of my mouth…. I start
to yell…..HELP HELP HELP me someone HELP me… no one is
around.. I’m in the middle of no where….I cry again…I fall
asleep from exosstion. I wake up the sun is gone the
night has come again… this is my last night on earth… I’m
cold so very cold I can’t feel my body I’m so tired…. I
wanna sleep but I know I’ll die if I do… I don’t wanna
die… I start to cry again the tears freeze to my face my
face is hurting I can’t feel any of my body I’m so cold….
I fall asleep knowing that I will never wake…… I open my
eyes and look down at me…..My body is there but I am not
and for the first time I see who it is… J.J. my friend My
god I’ve lived his death. Mom I can’t help but wonder if
I hadn’t been that much of a prick to him If I had taken
his phone calls or read his letters, would he be alive
and…… I don’t know is it my fault as much as everyone says
it’s not… I still think it is…. I was wrong and I know
it……. Damn I wish I could get some sleep and I wish I
could figure everything out…. I’m getting so frustrated….
Today I tried to write a 1 page paper for 4 hours… what’s
wrong with me…. Mom I wish you were here you could give me
some of that great advice…. I miss you and love you
Love
Adam


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