lilliana

lilliana
2001-08-12 02:30:21 (UTC)

Catholic School Girl...

Is it true that players only love you when they're playin?
That has got to be my newfound motto of the year. Players
only love you when they're playin. Okay, so anyways, I met
today with my new band members....they were smoov,
yadda,yadda...but they didn't come as prepared as I wanted
them to be. One of the guys totally forgot the lyrics and
chords...but it was no biggie. Im a pretty damn patient
person, it's frightening. But I ended up having a really
fun time. It was gravy.
I checked for responses and was soooo happy to FINALLY
get something *sigh of relief*. It was from Will, my buddy.
It had somethin' about making nasty soup and testin it on
your friends...(hahah)errrr...thanx Will. I put my friends
through enough shit already. Ummmmmmm....I have no idea
what my previous entry had any reflection on...I must of
been flat out drunk when I wrote that. It appears to me
that I was waaayyy sad over not seeing Rob, so I went on to
writing about "what I wanted". It was really depressing to
read again. So somber me went straight to my guitar...my
only outlet to my sorrow, and sang and sang to my throat
became bruised. The best songs are created when your either
in love or very sad. Each time I think of Rob, I just get
that blank look on my face like a war hero. I just
seem...confused. Oh my god. Im not gonna talk about him
anymore. I swear to god. This is the last entry with his
name in it. It's about time I grow up and get over him and
move on!! I can't believe I have to go to school. Aaaaghhhh
I hate going to school. Just when I start to enjoy my lazy
life...SCHOOL COMES AROUND! Now Im going to be thrown among
those perilous beings they call cliques! Once again, Im
going to have to plaster on my fake smile and gnash my
teeth together so that I look like I enjoy their company.
Bunch of fake blonde bitches...all they do is plot one
another's descruction of reputation. I hate my snobby ass
private school. Knee high socks should be destroyed!!!!! I
hate my dress code!! I hate dictatorship. I hate people
fearing me just because I hang with the "it" crowd. I want
people to love me for my vivacious personality and see that
I am more real than any of those fake assholes. Im sick of
being fake just so that these dinosaurs won't turn on me.
Im...scared. Im scared of being alone if people find out
that I don't share their same interests. Im tormented with
this self consciousness. Almost to the brink of being
pathetic. Oh I sure pray that college will be easier to
handle, for highschool is killing me soflty...