High and Happy College Student
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2002-11-05 00:46:05 (UTC)

My first entry...

Hey there! This is the first entry of my diary, I hope
there's many more to come. I went to school today, though
I missed my first class. I need to stop missing classes!
It's my goal to go for the rest of the week. I had my
Career and Life Planning class. We had an assigment due.
I've been eyeing this guy in that class for awhile now.
Last week, he sat next to me before class and I didn't
even acknowledge him. Hello! What the hell was I thinking.
Anyway, we had an assingment due and I knew that he
wouldn't have it done. He always shows up to class like 45
minutes early so I knew that I talk to him for awhile
today. So, I got off the bus and sure enough, he was
already there. He didn't have the assigment done so I
helped him out. He seemed very interested, and thanked me
many times for the help. This guy is hotter than ever!
He's a baseball player, the teacher of the class is always
scolding him for talking. Anyhow, we also talked after
class and he thanked me again. He seems interested. Though
I wonder why a guy like him would be interested in a girl
like me. I look forward to Wednesday's class so we can
visit more. What if he was interested? I'm in a commited
relationship and have been for almost two years, yet my
eyes are wandering more and more. My boyfriend is a great
guy and all, but it's always been said that we won't stay
together for much longer. We have such different opinions,
I want to know what the future holds, he says that he
knows we won't stay together forever. Ok, that's cool. So,
I'm just wasting my time when I could be out meeting new
people? If he can't commit to more than just tomorrow, I
don't really want to be with him. Out apartment lease it
up in March, then we will be doing some serious talking
about the future. I don't want to sign another lease with
him unless I'm assured that we're going to stay together.
Does that make sence? It does to me! I feel like he's
missing out on so much because of me. I know that he would
like to go out and party and what not, but I'm so self
concious that I don't want to. If a had a better self
esteem then I know that I would want to go out, but I
don't. I'm trying to improve it and lots of people think
that I'm very good looking. I don't think so though. I'm
still looking into getting a tummy tuck, I've tried so
many things to lose weight and it's just not working. I
would like to try and work out everyday, at least walk on
the treadmill, but do I have the energy? No! I am also
thinking about going and getting on anti-depressants. I
feel happy and that's the face that I always want to show,
but honestly I have such a hard time getting out of bed in
the mornings, I've always said that I would never take a
happy pill again, but I want to take control of this
depression before I sink further down into it. Maybe
they'll give me some energy so that I can go and work out.
Then perhaps, I could be skinnier, and date a hottie like
the one in my class. I want finally honest with Oscar
today and told him that I'm living with a boyfriend of two
years, I think that it hurt him but I don't want to lead
him on. He's nice and all but not my type at all, and he
kind of seems like a loser. Mean, I am! Anyhow, I have
some reading to do and some notes to take so I will go now
and write later possibly...thanks for reading...