Stacey Marsh

my messed up life...
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2001-01-29 04:32:28 (UTC)

I know it s been a really long..

I know it's been a really long time since I wrote in this,
but a lot has been going on. I'll start with Josh that ass
hole I am so over him now! What happened was my parents
were gone for like 2 weeks starting jan. 7 and my mom took
all the car keys so I couldn't take the cars anywhere but
what she didn't know was I hid the spare key the week
before they left so I could use the car. So sunday night
(the night of the day they left) Gen and Cathy's friend
Lynsey were over and all and I got drunk of coarse and so
did cathy and lynsey but gen didn't as usual... then josh
called sayin come over and stuff and I felt like driven
somewhere so when I was sober enough we drove all the way
from reno to Fernly and went to Joshes house then after a
while Cathy fell a sleep and Gen and Ian went in another
room so then Josh and I started making out and one thing
lead to another and yea. Then before we left I asked him if
we were going out and he said yea and I thought he broke up
w/ Tiffany but he didn't which I found out later when he
never returned my calls and all of a sudden Tiffany answers
his phone! Sayin she's goin out with him and the next
Saturday Tiffany's friend shalyn and some other people came
over and asked me if Josh and I really fucked and I said
yea and I told her to tell Tiffany that I wouldn't have
done it if I knew they were still going out and that I was
sorry cuz I know how it feels. So a couple days later
Tiffany called me on my cell and asked me if me and josh
really did and I said yea and she told me Josh kept denying
it but she believed me and all and we were actually getting
a long. That night Josh called me with Tiffany on the other
line saying for me to please tell Tiffany we didn't do
anything so of coarse I did it but I know she didn't
believe it but she still stayed with Josh cuz she's as
stupid as I was when Josh and I were going out. So that's
just one story. Another thing that's happened is I screwed
up BIG TIME! You know how I said the night we went to
Joshes Gen and I an went in another room well that was when
Gen lost her virginity! I couldn't believe she did it after
all the lexures she gave me! Well anyways last Saturday I
had a little party (the night shaylyn came over and asked
me about Josh) and I an was there and I was so drunk so was
Ian he kept taking 3 shots in a row! HYe kept asking me to
fuck w/ him and I kept saying know gen lost her virginity
to you I can't do it so he was saying please I just gotta
do it one more time before I get with her (they weren't
going out, and still aren't. I can't really remember what
all happened after that except Trista said something that
made me mad at gen and that's all I remember. Trista told
me everything I did the next day. I felt so bad and still
do I can't believe what I did! Well Ian and I decided to
keep it all a secret and forget about that night cuz he
couldn't hardly remember it either. Well right when I
thought gen would never know I just find out from Sandra
that JT told her about it! JT was there that night so he
knew about it and he's gens cousin and I didn't think he
would tell her. Jt was busy making out w/ Trista that
night. I also found out the next day that they took my
mom's car to pick JT up and Robert drove there and JT drove
back to my house. Gen hasn't told me she knows anything
hopefully she won't. I'm not supposed to know she knows so
I don't know what will happen next.
Another thing that happened was my Grandma died the one that I only
met 3 times. That's why my parents were in Florida they were trying
to take care of her and all her stuff. My grandpa on my mom's side is
in the hospital and I saw him yesterday I was trying so hard not to
cry and my eyes were watering when I was holding his hand it was as
if I could feel his pain and I couldn't stop thinking of when he was
perfectly fine and my sister and I would go to his and my grandma's
house. It still makes me wanna cry but I don't want to cry cuz all it
does is cause more pain. I pray that my Grandpa will get better.
I like another guy again.... he's josh's friend Bridger he's Shawns
twin brother and he's really nice! Him and wes came over last Sunday
cuz wes wanted to meet Trista, but Trista didn't end up likeing him.
Bridger and I sat in my room for a while just talking and stuff and I
so wanted to kiss him but I didn't and I don't know why. I know he
wanted to kiss me too I guess he was waiting for me to make the first
move, but when they had to leave we were walking out of my room and
Bridger put his arm around me and we kissed and right then I knew I
wanted to go out with him before he left he said for me to call him,
now everytime I call him we talk a while and he says he'll call me
back but nevcer does. Last night I asked him why he never calls back
and he said he lost my # but he'll get it from Josh cuz Josh was with
him. We aren't going out but I hope we will soon.
Well I finnally opened up a bank account after christmas and I
already have 505$ saved up I don't have to save up too much cuz my
Grandma left us a lot of money and we're gonna use it to pay off our
house and fix it up and buy me a car cuz I turn 16 in march.
Well I gotta go to bed now but I hope my problems go away soon! I'm
gonna cut back on how much I drink from now on so I don't blackout
anymore and so I can know more of what I'm doing. I know I can't quit
I'lve tried too many times and I'm tirede of saying I'm gonna and it
doesn't work out. Plus I have to want to quit inorder to quit but I
don't wanna quit.