the true confessions of moi
Ad 0:
2002-11-04 21:33:16 (UTC)

sam, again

can't stop thinking about things wrong with our
relationship... the fact that i see him once a year, and
how it used to be completely worth it because he was so
nice to me and made me so happy but now it just feels like
all i do is annoy him and we fight about stupid everything
and never have anything to say to each other and never are
romantic and happy like we used to be so often and it's
really sad... plus reality of future of the relationship
is becoming more obvious as it gets closer and the fact
that we're going to have to be apart for so long, and the
fact that he wants kids/marriage before i do because he's
older, and that i kinda resent him because i want to go to
school next year and not to see him for a year and that he
doesn't really care waht i want to do next year
because 'we have to be together', but it doesn't make
sense to me to be together just for a year and then apart
for even longer when we can just get things over with and
be together for good, feeling like he doesn't care what i
want really sucks... and feeling like he wants to be in
this relationship cause he doesn't think he'd have a good
future without it, but not because of me, just because he
wants someone to be with, and i don't like that either.
and i don't like saying 'always will' after i say i love
you, i don't mind it but i feel like i HAVE to say it
which is scary. eek, when did i start feeling so bad about
us?? :( i used to be so happy. this sucks.

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