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2002-11-04 18:27:30 (UTC)

*flush* ...and my life goes down the toilet...

Trever dumped me. My 14 year old boyfriend dumped me today. I feel sad.
So, what now? I actually liked him. I'm the stupid one I guess. I'm too old
for him, and he doesn't know what he wants. He went to this thing called
Promise Keepers on Friday. He stayed the whole weekend with his dad.
When he came back, he told me it was our relationship that was in the way of
him and God. It was "a sin against God and a sin against his parents". He
told me all this stuff with absolutely no emotion at all. He's just fine because
he "has God and that is all that matters". Fuck "God". Trever said he loves me. So,
naturally, I wonder what exactly it really was...since it obviously wasn't love. I feel used
and totally lied to. I have wasted my time, feelings, and energy once again on a guy who
left me with nothing more than a hole in my heart. Erick would most likely get along real
well with Trever. Fuck religion all together. What has it ever done for me? For all the 5
years I spent being dedicated to "God" and living for him, what have I gotten back?
Family? NO. So what if he threw in a couple people for me to call my family! Each
and every one of them has screwed me over and left me in the dumps. Did I get friends?
NO, again. I do admit that I have a few friends that have been nothing less than a
blessing in my life, but for every "friend" that lied to me and betrayed me, I hate "God".

I recently came out to a couple of people that I am bisexual. However, I recently came out
to myself that I am bisexual. This situation (see above paragraph) has made me think
otherwise. Maybe I should lean a little more towards women right now, cause I am far
beyond sick of the whole male half of the species. They serve no purpose in my life
anymore. But I have this problem. I can not be alone (single). So, if a guy asks me
out....I may say yes...for the wrong reason. I dunno. I am lost again. SOMEONE

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