Bumblebee

Adventures in Incompetence
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2001-08-11 07:31:42 (UTC)

homicide....

Let me take this moment to say a few choice words
regarding my younger brother, Daniel: I'm going to kill
the little motherfucker. Gonna pull his puny brains out of
his nose with a fishing hook and castrate him with a
wooden spoon. Then I'm going to use a potato peeler
to skin him alive.
Sounds pretty aweful doesn't it? Well the little
shit-eating maggot deserves it. Mayhaps ye would fancy
to know WHY I would spend so much effort dishing out
punishment? Eh? Well maybe not, but I'm gonna tell
anyway because I'm gonna KILL someone soon.
I've spent the past YEAR compiling a MASSIVE
collection of mp3's. We're talking more than 500 files of
my favorite music. I had managed to download EVERY
SINGLE SONG THAT I HAVE EVER LIKED. Do you
know how LONG that took me? And yes, I had PLANS
for that music. I've been saving all summer long for a
top-of-the-line portable mp3 player, one of those ones
that has it's own hard drive, so it can store a shitload of
music. Yes, I was going to have the most awesome,
gargantuan collection of music at my fingertips.
Available. Portable. I wouldn't have to buy another CD
ever! EVER!!
BUT, as you can perhaps guess, my plans for
musical domination have been DASHED TO TINY
FUCKING SHARDS OF NOTHING!! By whom? Yes,
none other than that speck of flea vomit, MY BROTHER,
DANIEL CHARLES RO***S, 14 YEARS OLD, LIVES IN
SEATTLE, BLONDISH HAIR, WILL BE IN 9TH GRADE
THIS YEAR. While I was out babysitting tonight, he
DELETED ALL of them. Yes, if you feel inclined to track
him down and give him a good ass-kicking before I get
to him, be my guest! Because I'm sneaky, see.
I AM THE FUCKING MISTRESS OF PASSIVE
AGGRESSIVE PUNISHMENT! Last time he got me
really pissed (destroyed a good portion of my old comic
book collection), I waited a whole MONTH to dish out
punishment. He went to bed one night to find that his
entire room smelled like dog shit. IMAGINE THAT. I
mean, a room is BOUND to smell like dog shit if
someone has scooped a pile of it under your pillow.
YES, I was harshly punished by my parents. I couldn't
do anything for a month after that. But you know what?
IT WAS WORTH IT!
There's nothing like lulling the victim into an
oblivious sense of security and then FUCKING THEM
OVER WHEN THEY LEAST EXPECT IT. So yes, I'm not
going to do anything about it for a little while. I'll wait at
least a few weeks before I do anything. Hell, it will take
me that long to think of a punishment fitting enough. It
will be bizarre and cruel. I don't give a rat's ass about
how this will affect me, and what the consequences will
be. Maybe I'll be chained to my bed for the next year. I
don't care. As long as that little dog turd learns his
lesson. He KNOWS what he did. I have specifically told
him COUNTLESS times not to delete my files. And I've
taken enough of his shit lately anyway.
My head hurts a lot now. I'm going to bed. Any
suggestions regarding the victim's punishment? I'll
write about what I end up doing. Maybe it will be
something I can get pictures of. Who knows?

Bumblebee's word of advice: DON'T FUCK WITH ME.


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