Melly

Does this thing come with a manual?
2002-11-03 20:49:04 (UTC)

November 3rd 2002

Isn't this the day JFK was assassinated? What made me think
of that? That was a brain twist. Whatever. So I was awaken
by a call from LC this morning. She had wanted to know if
Ann chewed me out last night for not showing up to their
party? She hadn't. Apparently, Ann chose to call up LC at
all hours of the night cursing her out and saying how I
didn't come to the party but I showed up at the club. How
funny that she is bitching about me when they were at the
club and not at their own fucking party. Poor LC gets a
call that should have been directed towards me. I am not
sure if I should call them and find out the scoop or what.
As if I need drama in my life that shouldn't even exist. I
swear I act older than two 30 yr olds. Stupid as dum dums.

On another note, I received an email from a girl who's
diary I read a couple days ago. She thought my response to
her life was "WOW". She gave me her phone number to call
her because she thinks that I could "teach" her something.
I am not sure what she can learn from me. I feel like I am
no one in particular and not very special at all. I
constantly question my life and myself. I am still learning
about shit too. But I may call this girl and make a friend.
She lives up in LA which is not so far. But she is 16. I
suddenly feel weird talking to a 16 year old? I don't want
to be like some of my friends who totally diss anyone who
isn't 21 or older. I remember when I was 16 and some of my
crowd was over 21. Mainly the guys but just the same. I
always felt weird about it. Like, why are they hanging out
with a bunch of 16 year olds? I know for sex, but really if
they weren't getting any. They certainly weren't from me. I
would sometimes think, I hope I am not hanging out with 16
year old when I am 21. Now here I am. Well, I am not going
to be like that at all. Not like I don't have friends who
aren't even 20 yet. I may call her when I get some balls to
do it.

I had a dream with Michelle Pfeiffer in it. I remember
sitting around a parking lot with a couple of girls and she
walks up. Not like a movie star, but like an unknown woman.
She was a movie star though. And she wasn't 43 like in real
life but like 30. She had been hanging around with us and
We totally took her in like it was nothing. I remember one
of the girls I hung with was in love with me. But I was in
love with Michelle. She and I had been putting in alone
time and I wanted more. When I finally got her alone, she
told me that it was over. I asked her if she loved me and
she said no. That for the sake of her family she has to end
it with me. That her career would be at stake if things got
out of hand. I cried and wanted her to love me. I tried to
kiss her and hold her, but she left me. Soon after that,
these guys came all dressed in black waiving sticks and
ready to beat us up. I wasn't sure what happened to
everyone else because I had started to run with one of the
girls. Two guys were screaming how they were going to rape
me twice. Once for being black and the other for being gay.

I was hiding from them throughout the city, but I had lost
my friend. I was so scared and ready to cry. But my eyes
were so dry from crying already. I was in shock. I don't
know why. I was running as much as I can and trying to find
a hiding spot inside somewhere. Right when I thought I was
safe, I ran smack into one of the guys. He hit me in my
face with his stick. surprisingly, I didn't fall to the
ground. Instead, I tried to turn and run. But he grabbed
me, pushed me to the ground and started punching me in the
face. He screamed out many derogatory terms and I was
trying to cover my face. He was going to assault me when my
phone rang and I woke up. I had only been raped in my dream
one time. It wasn't something I had wanted to re dream
about ever again. LC was apologizing for calling and waking
me up, but I was thanking her. I was not trying to stay in
that dream any longer.

Anyways, I guess I dreamed that because if the big fiasco
that happened right before we left Julian. Apparently, some
guy ran through the streets wearing a hood and cape like a
clan member and a swastica on his shirt. He thought it a
funny joke to do such crazy things. Spo had went and cursed
himout about it. I didn't even see it. All I was caring
about was that everyone seemed to look at me when it
happened. Like it was going to effect me somehow. I do not
get mad at things like that. His ignorance will surely come
back to bite him in the ass when his time comes. No sense
for me to go ranting and raving about it. The last time I
got mad over something like that, I was 11 and this boy
called me nigger. I punched him in the face. After that, I
realized that fighting ignorance with more ignorance was
stupid. Maybe that was the same stupid little boy. LOL!!!

Well, now that I am done with blabbing, I better get some
work done. My sister needs her laundry done. Later.




Ad: