humming bird

my F***ed up head
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2002-11-03 07:10:42 (UTC)

way it worx

ok so here is thoe whole story- see over the summer me and nik and
me went to lake lawn lodge and we met these guys cuz this guy kyle
worked at the pool and he was really hot and we talked to him and
then went out with him and he brought a friend and i got with his
friend and nikki got with him and his friends name is mike and i like
seriously fell in love with that kid in like a day and then they were
spose to come see us and then they never showed and so we didnt
bother calling or anything we just didnt care but i called them to
see if they could maybe come for nikkis bday and they were like yeah
and then we didnt talk for a while and then they called out of no
where and they actually came but they only stayed for 2 hours but of
course i fell in love wit mike all over again in those two hours and
they r coming again this saturday and they said they r gonna stay
alot longer this time and just yeah i cant wait se them , i like
didnt want to let mike go last time..... but yeah then heres the
prob, see before i found out that mike and kyle were coming i had a
crush on pat kinnare and i didnt think anything was really gonna
happen he doesnt seem like the whole gf or mess aorund type or
whatever, well the weekend after matt's big party jake had a party
and i was just gonna spend the night at jakes but then i ended up
spending the night at pat's, like me and pat have flited and stuff
but i never thought he actually liked me and well when i spend the
night there we ended up talking for like hours and then we ended up
making out and then we fell asleep for like 20 minutes and then woke
up and then had sex and i was his first and then we had to go becuz i
had to go to tcd and he had to go teach lil kids how to skate (cute
right?!) but yeah and i dunno what we r and i dunno whats going on
now becuz i dunno what is gonna happen with mike or with pat and i
dont know if pat likes me and yeh it sux cuz i really liked pat and i
was trying to behave so i didnt screw him over and i dont htink it is
even gonna matter, why the hel does that alwways happen, i turned
down matt like twice becuz of pat and i turned donw someone else cuz
of him but it sux, every guy i have had sex with just fucks me over
and yeah chota just told me he doesnt think pat likes me like that so
yeah obviously i'm an idiot, there gotta be something about me that
just screams "vulnerable", saying "hey come fuck me over, it's the
cool thing to do, everyone's doing it" why is it that just about any
guy would jump at the oppurtunity to mess around with me but not a
single fucking one likes ME- god i'm a fucking dumbass, i fall for
that stupid shit every time , thas the way it worx so fuck the world-

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