babycakes4ev

why read this incredibly stupid shit...?
2002-11-03 06:21:06 (UTC)

dying i swear i am...

mood: broken
theme song:"fading the kisses" lyndsay diaries

**ur razors my wrist my tears ur kiss and here i lie cold
and pale nothing u can say will be enough to cure these
papercuts and broken hearts**
^^ i love that lyric...papercuts and broken hearts...that
would be me rite now..im completley broken up inside...me
and q broke up last wed. and i am like miserable i dunno
even like how everything happened but it happened so fast
that i dunno bleh i cant get my feelings into words..ok
lemme think cuz i gotta get this out b/c i will go crazy if
i dont...so yea it all started on last monday when i was
all depressed and shit and EVERYONE knows how i get when im
depressed im just like bleh nobody loves me and im a
horrible person so w/ me being in this mood AND incredibly
pms'y i call q and im all i think maybe we should break up
and im crying my eyes out cuz im all emotional and im just
like blah we're too different to be together and then he
talks to me and im like well sum ppl think that maybe we
should take a break and he is like well who and like 5 or 6
ppl had told me that but the first name to pop into my head
was kevin so i said kevin and we kept talkin and I THOUGHT
things were better and we were like still 2gether but
apparently he thought we were broken up and yea so wed.
rolls around and i get online and kevs on and he is like
yea q im'd me like i hate u and i dont wanna be friends and
he was all confused and like what is this about? and im
like shit ok q freaked out over what i told him and i got
really mad b/c i kept thinkin bout the times when like i
would have a friend ditch me or a be a bitch to me for a
guy or wutever and i was like kev is q's best friend and q
is treating him like shit so i told kev i would figure shit
out and i call q and im like wtf r u being a dick for and
we get in this HUGE fight and we're yelling at each other
and im all like u need to go back to school and get a life
and bleh bleh bleh and im kinda being a bitch and then i
was like well maybe we shouldnt go out and he was like
maybe we shouldnt and i was like fine and he said fine and
i was like kinda shitty it had to end this way and he said
something along the lines of yea i guess so i got mad and
hung up on him and i told myself when i hung up the phone
that if he calls me back that i will give him a second
chance if not we're over for good...def. really salty cuz
he never called me back so im all crying my eyes out and i
get online and a few mins. later he is on and stuff and
like apologizes and stuff but i tell myself u cant take him
back so i was like yea wutever we're finished...god i swear
i was like ripping my own heart out when i said that...and
then i get offline and continue to go to ursulines
halloween carnival and try to keep a happy face...didnt
work too well cuz i would sporadically start crying and
shit but yea... then the next day or wutever i an online
and chris towning im's me like go look @ the fusion
guestbook so i go and look and q went like crazy and was
talkin mad shit about chris and aaron and stuff and he
basically told everyone what me and chris had done and so i
get REALLY mad and call q and scream at him about how he is
immature and he is making a big mistake and shit and i was
like i dont ever wanna tlak to u again...i thought it would
make it easier to cope but i cant like handle it...i miss
him so much and ive talked to him like once or twice since
than and im like dying inside and i seriously think and
talk about him 24/7 and like everything i do reminds me of
him...i have to stand strong and not take him back even if
it kills me which i think that it seriously mite do... i
need him seriously i have gotten so attached to him and i
realized that everygood memory i have over the past like
year or wutever involve him and it hurts so bad to look
back and realize that we wont have those kinda times
anymore and i dunno god now im a sap and im crying again
and i just miss him so much and no matter how much he
pisses me off i still love him unconditionally and nothing
will change that and i am miserable he is the only thing on
my mind...godddd i hate this but im gunna go cuz yea im
freezing my ass off and im neglecting my IM's and ppl r
gettin pissy but ill write more later...




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