punkerbruhaha

Allys Life
2001-08-11 03:28:44 (UTC)

Counciling. Job. Friends. New Guy. New Life Begins.

My world was falling apart, take that back, my life was
gone.
Turning point begins. Report cards came out. MY grades were
so low, and comments from teachers were so bad. My parents
did a search for drugs. This was the best thing that could
have happened to me for many reasons. But it was bad at the
time. At the time, I was seeing an evasion of privacy. Why
were they doing this.. I didnt do drugs. HOw could this
happen. They should know I didnt do drugs.. do they think I
am stupid?
hen they were doing the search, they found the notebooks
that I had beteween friends. One was bad, from the other
girl. It was about sex. That was one thing I refused to talk
about.. was sex. But oh wow did my friends talk about it.
All of them. They talked about it like it was as regular as
showering. The other notebook ruined my life. This was the
one about drugs. Anythign you think could have been said
about drugs from me, was in there. The worst part was, there
was also stuff mentioned abotu my friend physically hurting
herself. The thing about this book, was, there was all this
stuff in my own hand writting, how can they believe that I
was lying in there and not to them. How were they supposed
to believe that I wasnt doing drugs. Everything pointed to
that, even if the notebook wasnt there. I wanted to sleep
every chance I got, I got horrible grades, i wasnt envolved
in anything. That was the night my dad told me I wasnt his
crazy baby anymore. That hurt. I couldnt take that. I wanted
to break. At that point my only thought was, let me go to
sleep. I want to go to sleep. I never told any one this,
even my counciler, because he would have told me parents,
but that night, I looked at a full bottle of asprin,
seriously considering what could happen if I took it. It
would put me in a permanent sleep, thats the best thing
right? That was the worst week of the depression that I can
actually measure.
First step was first. My parents called the parents of the
friends who was hurting herself, and we went ther the next
day to talk to them. Everything came out, how I wasnt doing
drugs, trying to look cool.
Second Step, I had to go see a counciler. Said I was
depressed. talked alot. Got more medicine to go on.
At this point my stomach was hurting terribly. I was on a
broth and gingerale diet only. Thats all my stomach would
accept. The pain was incredible if I ate anything else.
Things eventually got better. Grades finally started going
up. My mom would stay up with my while I was drinking tea at
night to keep myself awake so that I could do my homework.
I met a new guy, someone who wasnt depressed about things.
And acually liked me for me. He listens to me, and gave me
someone who I could "lean" on. I got a job at mcdonalds
which not only kept me gettin up on the weekends so I
couldnt get out of pattern, it showed me why I wanted to do
my work. My best friend was there for me the whole time, not
even relizing she was. After a while my parents finally saw
I seriously wasnt trying to destroy my life on purpose. and
I passed the year because of the turn aroudn that I made.
Sophmore year is coming up. I am still with the same guy.
Volleyball tryouts are almost here. No matter what though,
this year, things that need to be done, will be done, and
sleep, although welcome.. must wait. School will be school.
Life must be lived. I dont want to waste anymore hours on
sleep then I already have to in this lifetime.