Allys Life
2001-08-11 03:09:58 (UTC)

V-Ball Failure. Highschool's Froshie. Depression Hits.

Like I said before, it probubly all started when we were
choosing a highschool, at least a little afterward, maybe
the summer between 8th grade and freshman year.
In eigth grade, as you could probubly tell I was a popular
chick. I had my friends, I had gone out with one of the most
popular guys in skewl.. but only because he was the most
popular guy in skewl. So I was basically one of, if not the,
most popular girl.. I'm really not saying that to brag, but
you know how those girls are.. stuck up, thinking, and
acting like they are better then everyone, well that was me.
So when it came time to pick a highschool, I wanted to go
where all the cool people were going, of course. Which was
Saint Marks. I didnt know why I wanted to go, at the time I
thought I really liked the school. It seemed like the best
school. But, had I even looked at it, or for that matter,
had I looked anywhere else, no. My parents wanted me to go
to Padua (all girls) That right there made St Marks appeal
to me even more. Crying I would tell my dad that I wanted to
go to St MArks, showing him statistics that were crap, and
all this other stuff, just because I wanted to go where
everyone else was. Needless to say, I was sent to Padua.
That didnt really make me happy. But, I got in, and on
descent marks tew. So theres where I went.
I got all the books, I thought I felt happy. I went to
volleyball camp. Met my soon to be best friend, Klosie.
Emailed each other back and forth. I was really starting to
like the idea of highschool. I thought it would be just as
easy as grade school. Boy was I wrong.
Volleyball tryouts started... volleyball tryouts were tiring
and long... they were horrible.. but it didnt feel like that
then. I thought everything was perfect.I thought I would
make the team, just because I was a descent player and was
captain the year before. Tryouts kept going.. and going..
and going. Finally the day came for the team to be picked.
People had stopped comign to tryouts all week. Since the
beginning we probubly lost half the people, because of how
hard it was. So I sat on the floor the day the team was
picked, confidently talking with klosie. I "knew" I was
going to make it. I didnt. My name wasnt called. I left,
tears rolling down my cheeks. How could this have happened?
This sport is my life. There must be a mistake. The team
cant make it without me. Well, guess what, it did.
School started. I thought things were fine. I thought I felt
fine. Classes were starting we were getting homework, yea
school definatly was in. But, I didnt feel like doing my
homework that night. Thats ok, the teacher never checks it
Anyway. i dont want to do it for this subject either.. but
if she collects, oh well I will do it a day or two late..
its only 10 or 20 points, whats it matter. Well it mattered
alot. Apparently the homework is there to keep the stuff
your learning alive in your head. At first I was thought,
whatever, i didnt do homework in grade school this is
differant, but it was. It wasnt that I jsut didnt feel like
doing the homework, I litterally couldnt. I couldnt bring my
self to sit down, and think long enough to do the homework.
The only things that went through my mind was, I want to
sleep, I dont want to get up early tomorrow.
In school i cared about everything non important. In fact I
cared so much about that stuff that I didnt care at all.
What I mean is, I cared so much about being one of the cool
ones with my group, that I didnt care about school work, or
afterschool activities, or anything for that matter.
In class I would write notes.. notes that would later get me
in trouble. I would think about sleeping. I would think
about stupid things. My friends werent to keen on the whole
happiness factor. Most of them had there own problems. I
wrote notes in books, about drugs that I had supposedly
"done" before. Had I really? hell no. I have never been near
ANYTHING before. I'm talking about doing it.. getting it..
everything under the sun. And why was I doing that? Why was
I willing to ruin a reputation that I had built so high in
grade school.. because everyday on teh anouncements, I would
hear how the volleyball team was doing, when practices were,
TOURNAMENT" but it wasnt that. I wasnt on the team. I was a
frosh. I wasnt envolved in anything. I was failing all my
courses. Volleyball seaason ended, and more desruction came.
You know what those vball players were doing, running,
swimming, practicing batting. There werent just sitting at
home. Why wasnt that me? How could I have failed that bad.
by this point I was also apparently "dating" A guy who wasnt
much of a help on the whole emotion side. His life was full
of violence.. not physically, but mentally. And comments,
werent helping me. Life was just... great... right. The only
time it was great was when I was in another world. It was
called sleep.