2002-11-03 03:39:52 (UTC)


Yeah, I know I rarely hit this thing up. A lot has been
going on with me. I'll start with the most recent thing to
consume my mind. After all these freakin' years....why is
this one nigga still consuming my mind and heart like this?
No need to mention the name because he has graced my diary
from the day I started it. Last Saturday, Leroy came to
Atlanta and we went to Six Flags. It was aight. Could have
been better. Things are definitely dead between us. It's
not so much on my part. I've never been the one to start
anything.....he normally does...but he didn't. That just
sent a message to me. Maybe he's trying to be faithful to
some chick at Clemson.....that or he just isn't attracted
to me anymore. He made me cry. I don't like to admit that,
but he did. I freakin' cried for two days. It's like, in my
heart, I love that boy to death.....I long to be with
him....I feel like I'm suppose to be with him. BUT all
that's in my heart keeps causing me to get hurt. I've
prayed to have him and for him to want to be with
me.....now I pray to get him out of my system. Things that
bring you so much happiness should't make you feel like the
world should end for you. I just have to accept the fact
that me and him will never be on the same page at the same
time. My friendship w/ Jon seems funny to me now. I just
feel at a distant w/ him. I don't know what to say to him
anymore and I don't feel like I can tell him how I feel
about Leroy. I mean, I know I'm stupid/crazy....whatever
you want to call it.....to keep letting one person hurt me,
but I don't appreciate someone telling me that all the
time. Listen to why I feel that way and just don't assume
it's like that because Leroy looks the way he does. I don't
even see Leroy for his outer appearance anymore.....I go on
with how he can make me happy. What he fails to realize is
that I've tried getting over this whole thing. I've talked
to other dudes. BUT no one has made me happy the way Leroy
did. I still love Jon, but I just feel funny talking to him
now. I don't be feeling like talking to him at all. Another
subject......ole boy that I was talking to....I'm just
gonna put him on the friend/trip out list. Mu is cool as
hell, don't get me wrong.....but he's such a.....I don't
know. Niggas are silly! I see how these older dudes see us
freshmen girls as naive and easy. I hate to be rude w/
folks, but I have to let these niggas know.....Jocelyn is
not the one! And why is that one dude from a group can't be
the ONLY one to try to holla. I thought it was an
understood thing amongst people that if your friend is
trying to holla....you don't. Why three niggas that hang
out together are all trying to holla? One of them I spend
my Tuesday nites with watching a movie of my choice....one
I met a long time ago and all of sudden he thinks we are
suppose to talk....and the last one is damn 23 and is
trying to talk to me. Dude I chill with sees what's going
on and thinks I'm trying to run game on all three. First of
all, I don't play games. I don't like any of them. Why
can't one female and one male just be friends? I just give
up on all this mess. I'm gonna go anti-social in a few!