Life of one's own.
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2001-08-11 02:20:06 (UTC)

The fulfilling of my soul Pt.1

All my life, I have had a void in my heart. I never really
knew what exactly this void in my heart was. All I knew was
that I had a feeling of emptiness. An emptiness that
intially ate away at my soul, but I eventually habituated.
It was not until this last vacation I went on that the
emptiness subsided. This trip was all coincidential or
shall I say seemed like it was destined by God. I guess God
knew my internal emptiness and showed me what this
emptiness was. In the beginning of this summer of 2001, my
family and I went on a trip to China. Coincidentially, two
families who had kids going to the same high school as I
was went on the trip too. Initially, I thought this trip
was going to be pretty bad since I didn't know the other
kids very well. For those who have gone to Monta Vista High
School, these "kids" would be Calvin Chan and Lesley Leung.
I had known Calvin ever since Freshmen year. I remembered
him as the smart guy in my math class. During this year, my
sophmore year, he became the chemistry honors genius. We
also shared only one class together and that was, oddly,
PE. He was a funloving guy and a genius. Still, I had not
gotten the chance to know him very well. The other person
was again Lesley Leung. I had known her ever since probably
first or second grade, but not very well. She attended the
same Chinese school as I did and I think her brother was in
the same chinese school class as I was. Other than that,
she had no place in my memory. Oddly enough, we ended up on
the same vacation tour of China many years later. The
only "kid" I knew on the trip was my own brother, but I
consider him to be a brat sometimes. This is why I was
regretting to go on this trip even before the trip started.
I thought it was going to be another trip with the family.
God definitely proved me wrong. I can still remember the
first day when my family and I were in the San Francisco
Airport. I can still remember we were late and were rushing
to find a quick place to eat at. My brother was complaining
again, as usual, about what he wanted and did not want. My
dad and I were chosen as the ones to buy food. I think we
ended up buying food from Fung Lum. On the way there, I
first encountered Calvin sitting and eating. They were
basically done. Next to them, I saw Lesley and her family.
I waved at them and they waved back. When we began eating
the food, Lesley's and Calvin's families left. The food was
not all too great, so I won't go into detail of how the
food was. When we got onto the plane, I remember that
Calvin and his family sat one row back and to the left of
us and Lesley's family in back of us. The trip there was
overall boring. I just remembered watching the movie
of "Anti-trust". When we got there, it was already late and
everyone woke up from their plane nap. I remember seeing
Lesley and her tired face. We got to the hotel and then
called it a day.
That was the first two days of our vacation. I felt
cheated since the first two days of our 14 day tour was on
the plane, but I found it all worth it later. After a
restless night, because of jetlag, we were all tired on the
tour bus. We were to tour our first city in China,
Shanghai. I can still remember the tour guide. She had the
most interesting accent in the world. A british/Chinese
accent. I don't remember much about the days in Shanghai.
What I do remember is that Calvin and I got closer because
we talked more. He was the only one that I initially got to
know. Mainly because he was a male. I guess I have to admit
it. I have always had a problem talking to females. I get
quite nervous and I can't think very well. As for Lesley's
brother, Derrick, he did not seem interested in talking to
me. The days went by. Calvin was basically my only friend,
other than my brother. My younger brother grew to like
Calvin alot. I found they both had very similar personality
traits. Plus, they had one common interest, harassing me. I
didn't mind it all too much though. Actually, I met talked
to another person on the trip. This would be Shen Zhu. She
was the one female exception that I could talk to. Though
she was 23, she still acted as a kid. I think we became
friends on the first dinner that the tour group had
together. Before I knew it, we were friends. I guess it's
because she is also a Chinese immigrant. I have always been
able to communicate with "FOBs" very well. It was not until
the 5th day or so that things began to change. On that day,
the tour group went on a cruise trip along the Yangtze
river. This place is where the fulfilling of my heart
began. Calvin and Lesley are family friends. This means
their families have known each other ever since they were
born. Basically, Lesley decided to hang out with Calvin, my
brother, and me. On the second day, we all were spending
some time talking and playing Gameboy(Calvin and Aaron, my
brother, that is). Lesley and I talked and we found quite a
bit about each other. We found a whole lot of common ground
and talked for quite a while. I don't exactly remember what
we talked about, but it doesn't matter. I just knew that my
heart and soul has never been so joyful in my life. In a
matter of saying it, I felt complete when I was talking to
her. From that day on, I never felt the same. During the
next day, Lesley seemed to want some time for herself to
read. I found out she loved to read, unlike me. That
reminded me to begin reading on my summer literature books.
I can still remember what happened. I was feeling offly
depressed during my reading time. My feelings were all down
and out. I felt as if someone had taken a piece of my soul
away and had kept it. I just couldn't concentrate. Then I
realized something. I had shared a part of myself with
Lesley. She had taken it willingly, but I did not get what
I expected back. I felt as if I needed her. Basically, my
heart was lonely without her.

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