My problems.
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2002-11-02 20:43:16 (UTC)

I'll search till the day I die.

It's true. I will. It's pathetic really. I had everything I
wanted, everything, and I threw it all away. I think about
it every single day atleast 37 times. (37 is my lucky
number) I was truly, honestly a happy person. She
gave me love. Love. Something that is so hard to find.
She gave me unconditional love too. If I did something
stupid she didn't care, if I was mean to her once she let
it go. If I made a fool of myself, she made of fool of
herself too. She didn't care what other people thought
of us. She only cared about that bond that we shared. I
miss hearing her voice. I miss hearing her laugh. I
miss hearing her cry. I miss seeing her face. I miss
hugging her. I miss touching her. I miss holding her. I
miss the love that she made me feel. I miss all the little
things about her that made me feel good inside. I miss
her sweet kisses, I miss her hair, I miss her blank
stare. I miss the fun we shared.

She mad me laugh, she heard me cry, she never took
anyone elses side. I miss talking to her the most of all.
I could talk to her for hours on hours and still lead an
interesting conversation. She was the only person I
ever knew that loved me that wasn't a part of my family.
I remember we had these "lists." When ever she said
something and I said something along the longs of
"are you sure?" and she would say, "I dunno," then I
would say add that to the I dunno list. She also had a
KNOW list. And she only knew one thing. Well we only
put one thing on that list... She knew that she loved me.
She made me cookies and brownies once too. She
baked them for ME. She never cooked for anyone
before that. She defended me. She never made fun of
me and made me feel like she meant it. She would
poke her fun at me, but I knew that she was only
kidding and it never made me feel bad.

I even remember her dogs name and her favorite song.
Trail and Block Lockdown. We made up our own word
too.... "Ga'Peachy."

She is/was the only person that like.... It's really difficult
to explain. She was the only person that....... It's so hard
to put into words cause words cannot describe the
emotions. I'll tell you a story. Hehe. Screw it I'll tell a


Number 1 :

One time I was at Wegmans with my family and I
NEVER went into Wegmans with them because they'd
always embarass me. So this ONE time I decided,
what the hell, I'll go in.
As I slowly walked to the doors of Wegmans I saw a girl
in a purple coat. I couldn't beleive my eyes. It looked
like April! I was shocked. I walked up to her and I said
hi and she was like OMG SHAUN!?! (first time I've ever
said my name in this thing in the year that I've been
here :D) And I was like.. yeah. She told me how she
was just thinking about me and how she just told
Grace, her friend, that she wished that I was there. So
instead of going into Wegmans and eating instead I
stood around and hanged with her. But I thought it was
so odd that she wished that I was there and that was
the first time I ever went into Wegmans in like 6 months
to a year. So yeah, coiencidence? I dunno.


Number 2 :

She always told me that me and her were going to
watch Pearl Harbor at her house cause she LOVED
Josh Hartnet. But when we watched it we weren't really
going to watch it. Hehe. She always told me that
whenever she saw me frown she wanted to nibble on
my lower lip. haha. But yea, that never happend.


Number 3 :

Ummmmmm...... one time she drank liquor at our
school and she asked me if I could smell it on her
breathe and of course, I could. She told me if I told
anyone that she had been drinking she was going to
kiss me. So naturally what did I do? I started
SCREAMING "April's been drinking!!!" and what did she
do? Oh, of course she started kissing me haha. Good


Yeah, fond memories. It's sad cause I let her go. Now I'll roam
this deselate planet until the day I die looking for a person like
her. I had someone call her parents house and they wouldn't
give out her phone number. So it looks like I'll never get the
chance to see or talk to her again. So just like the title says, I'll
search for another person like her until the day I die....... but alas,
I'll never find anyone quite as perfect as her. Maybe we were
soulmates, but me, being stupid, took the wrong path in the fork
of life. So what do I say? Fuck life.


On to a different topic. Why do some people think that they are
the only thing that matters in the world? It as if they aren't happy
it's FUCK YOU. They shit on you and if they hurt you it don't
matter. You have to deal with it. And if I have feelings it's called
being a baby. So what if I get hurt, I am supposed to deal with it.
But when they get hurt, it's the whole fucking worlds problem.
And if they can't have the person they want it's okay to feel bad.
Whatever. I'm done writing.

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