Swackprincess03

My Heart and Soul....
2002-11-02 17:31:37 (UTC)

Hard Times...

Wow...life does get hard sometimes doesn' it? I dear friend
of ours, Nathan Blass, found out all to well how tough life
can get. Nathan was the most loving, happy person I've
known in a long time, but apparently not so happy as I
thought. On wednesday night I got the news that he had
killed himself. the last few days have been hard on me-
facing the reality, that he is no longer with us. My
prayers and love go out to the family in these hard times.

I have to thank Gabs. She has been my backbone througout the
whole thing. A dear friend is definatley what I need in
this tough time. I guess I should give some insight, for
those of you who havent yet discovered all there is to know
about me.

For a long time, I've been battling depression. And too many
times, I've been in a place where it was so dark and cold,
and I was felt all alone in this world. To many times, I
contemplated taking my own life, in order to escape those
feelings. Times like this make me feel so selfish. Last
night, for the first time in a long time, I broke down. I
stood in my moms arms, and just cried. After seeing all the
people at Nate's calling hours, it made me realize just how
many people there are out there who care. To think that if
he had just called one of those hundreds of people, he
wouldn't have had to resort to the means that he chose.
Never have I realized the selfishness that accompanies those
feelings. I need to let everyone who has been there for me
know that I owe my life to them. Most importantly- God, for
helping me to find guidance, and become a stronger person,
My mom and dad, my sister, gaby, kristen, Joe, amber, and
stacey. they are the ones that were there for me in the
darkest times. I know they didn't have to be, but they were,
because they love me, and I love them for what they did for me.

If there is one step that people have to climb in order to
find a road to recovery, this was it. I don't think I can
ever let myself feel so bad about my life now that I have
had to face Nathans death.

Once again...my prayers to the Blass Family, God Bless...

~Jenny


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