helena

in deep sh*t
2001-08-10 22:39:45 (UTC)

3rd entry

On our first date at the cafe...it was pretty nice. He was
kind of late but I ordered a mocha and waited at a table
for him. He showed up about 10 minutes later. He says hi
and orders coffee and sits in front of me. He smiles and we
talk--i dont even remember what i was saying ;'( ...but I
remember that was a homosexual community. i remember there
was this very pale annorexic-looking girl behind the
counter in black.

At some point I ask him how old he was and he
goes 'Uh...21" like I caught him by surprise. So I went out
with him about 5 or 6 times and I really like him.

On the first date he hugged me and the second one he kissed
me and all the rest were deep soft wet kisses. I kinda kept
missing him all the time he wasn't around he would call me
and we would talk for hours.

What I really loved about him was that he was so
intelligent and sensitive and his mental capacity was
amazing. And he has such potential..not to mention he was
the most handsome beautiful looking man I had ever seen.
And he was pretty funny too. He made me laugh alot. He
would do his britanny spears impersonation. He was kinda
crazy too..like alot of really smart people are.
He was very very loving to me and I don't know why?

I can only think that it was his nature and had more to do
with him than me. I certainly wasn't like him. Not
physically and not emotionally and also I was down alot. I
told him I'd always been maniac depressive or something b/c
I didn't have that much of a childhood or teen life coz of
what went on at home.

At first I wasn't responsive to thinking of liking
him...and he felt kinda rejected b/c I was overly cautious
since I have issues. He told me he loved how I looked?? He
loved me buxom?? I think is the word he used. And I was
telling him how I usually would care more about life and
about being fit and things like that. I was mostly
depressed at the time he met me. He told me he was in love
with my eyes and about amazing I looked that first day he
saw me.

He seemed to see something in me the person I used to be
when I was very optimistic. And sometimes it's there I
guess. But that's the person he brought out in me again.
And after a while I poured so much affection on him too
like he did on me b/c I just couldn't hold back anymore.I
was still as insecure as I'd always been though. I got back
in touch with that extreme optimist that lingers somewhere.
Sometimes I surprised him and he would say 'I kind of knew
you were like that when I first talked with you.'

He has so many ideas of love that are really just
idealistic. He said he wanted me because I would
understand. Because I would know what love would be like
how it was all tied in with the love of literature and
nature and loving people and animals.

I asked him who taught him about love.

And he says he lives and he learns but that also most
importantly his parents loved each other. They lived for
each other and sadly they died together.My mother if she
were alive...would love and approve of you.

He said that he was an expression of their love...they were
married for 15 years before they had him.

I told him I'm so happy that he was. That he was happy and
loved.

i hhave to go sleep...gnite ; )