ruthemily

the anniversary

i broke my fast with a fucking binge. so much for will
power. i only managed 45 hours, i'm such a goddamn fucking
failure!!

i really want to be thin. it's like a last-ditch attempt at
doing something about all the pain and badness inside of me.
i need it. don't ask me why, because you wouldn't understand.

i am not going back to the counsellor ever. no fucking way.
stupid patronising witch. ssssshhhhh though, don't tell
anyone, because if ther CPN finds out, i get stuck back in
hospital.

a year ago today he died. i'm drowning in my guilt.