Erin's Thoughts
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2002-11-01 00:23:37 (UTC)

Not Sad...Just Lost...

I kept myself from crying today. I tried to look up
positive quotes and stories just so that I could convince
myself that everything will be okay. Yes I know that
everything will be okay, but some days I dont. Ryan
thinks I should always think positivly, but it is
sometimes hard to always think positivly. How in thier
right mind can think positivly every monent of thier
lives??? The answer is simple...NO ONE. I guess this
week I just did not want to deal with anything but Ryan.
Why??? Who the hell knows but that is what I wanted to
deal with. Also I have just wanted to be alone. Alone
with myself and no one bothering me. Kind of like going
into a hole and just sitting there and doing my own

Yes he gets his own little pharagraph. Ryan is the one I
love very much. But I think sometimes I let that love
take over a lot of myself. But I think finally now I
understand everything. Everything makes so much more
sense. He does not want to hurt me anymore. I really
hope he wants to fix "us" in anyway possible. He is and
always will be my Best Friend no matter how much we piss
each other off or get mad at each other. I guess that is
one of the things that makes a Best Friend. Knowing that
you would be there for them no matter what. I sometimes
wonder if he is willing to do the same...I know the answer
to this, but I guess in my fucked up mind I want to see
it. For him to tell me I am his Best Friend would make me
the happiest person ever. I dont know what my feelings
for him are right now...they are there...they say that I
want to be with him in some way shape and form...Sometimes
I like time...TIME helped us before and it might help us

Life just over all sucks. Not saying that I dont have
anything good going on, it is just a general fact that
life just sometimes sucks ass. Being strong is the
hardest thing to do everyday. Everyone says I am a strong
person, and yes when it comes to some things I am, but
there are things that make me weak...RYAN for one...but I
think we make each other weak.

Here is the argument on hand...
Everyone should give...but should you sometimes expect to
get something in return??? Like relationships for one
thing. What you put in should you expect to get out??? I
mean it all has to go with what you think the person
deserves. Should you always give and never receive???

I have worked so hard for what I have, and sometimes I
just want to recieve the best in return.

I believe I deserve the BEST.

My Mood Today:
Sad...but not depressed...just lost...just want to talk to
my Best Friend.

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