The Boy Looked At Johnny
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October 31, 2002. Early afternoon.
It's Halloween tonight. I'm not doing a thing. What is it with
I feel fine. Feel real good, actually. School is OK, the band is
progressing, I have the sweetest girlfriend (despite
considerable distance -- more on this in a moment). But I just don't
want to go out these days. I say to hell with it. I've built this tremendous
reserve of dislike, or discomfort, for being around so many people -- old
band members, an ex-girlfriend, badmates of ex-bandmates,
assorted acquainatnces, ex-boyfriends of ex-girlfriends...it's
so absurd. But I just don't want to be around these people.
Speaking of girlfriends...I went back and read some earlier entries about
Jessy. They made me smile, or smile in that way that is actually more of
a grimace. Again, what is it with me? I've been thinking about us, and I
really have to say, I think I've warmed up a lot or come around or
whatever. You know, I really love that girl. I really do. It's not a weird,
obsessive, white-hot burning love, either. It's an easier variety. For
awhile, obviously -- perhaps even for the majority of the relationship,
which has just passed the four-month mark -- I wasn't so sure about
this. But now, I am. I can pretty safely say I am. As far as what happens
now, I'm not sure, but I don't worry too much about it, I really don't.
Yes, I really love that girl.
Anyway. Life back at home.
Social life has been mixed since returning. When I got back, I
hung out with Jackie almost exclusively, for about a month or
two. That was fine, but her hooking up with Matt really put
the kibosh on that. We don't see each other much now, and if
we do, she's hanging around with him. Oh, he's an OK guy, I
guess. Actually, he's an ass, but not overmuch so. Still,
enough so to keep my distance. Giggling, couchbound lovers,
one of whom you qualify as an "ass," are not the sort of
people you want to be around. You understand this.
Lately, anyway, it's been Dave and Nate again, as back in the
old days. Dennis, too. Katie, as well, to a lesser extent --
since we've been working together, we haven't hung out as
much. I guess she's spending most of her time with Branum. I
haven't hung out with Joel much, and this is really not a good
thing. I love Joel, and he's a key figure in my life. Perhaps I'll
call him soon.
When I was in Pittsburgh, I said I was going to hang out with
a lot of people I hadn't hung out with before, but that really
didn't happen at all. It's the old Blowup in Japanese axis,
mostly. That's OK. They're the best.
Like I said, the band is fine. I met a really sweel girl named
Sarah at the Liars/YYY's show, a friend of Nathan from work.
She plays bass and sings, and we got along really well. I think
she'd be a good bandmate. Layla isn't working out so well, so
I think we'll audition Sarah. I hope she works out.
The most frustrating part, as ever, remains the naming. We
have a show in a month and still no name. I last suggested
Lovers' Lane and Sleeper Awakes, none of which were liked
by Dan or Becca. We're going to have to come up with
something, or we going to be like one of those hippie babies
that's three years old and their parents still haven't named
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