Up here the light
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2002-10-31 15:27:11 (UTC)


i dont think my eyes have ever been this swollen.
maybe the time i cried for hours the night before my piano
recital (12 years old....i cant even remember now what i
was upset about) the next day putting cotton balls soaked
in corn flower water on my eyelids. it worked well but my
eyes became so blurry i could hardly read my music (not
that ive ever been great at reading music anyway).

went to macabre last night. brad plays a good homosexual.
it was not put together very well and my dad kept
complaining about that but it was still very moving. i must
have cried 5 times during the play. the rest of the night i
couldnt stop crying i was just so emotional. even in
sledders with my parents when my dad asked what i thought
of it.
they asked me to go with them to the restraunt i really
just wanted to go home and cry. but i ate fried mushrooms
that were good. still i didnt want ot see my ma drinking
when she had gone the last few weeks without. and i really
think the play made her upset. it hit close to home with me
i imagine it would be even more real for someone as herself.

i want to see mr. green so much. i dont know if it will
happen though. i could always wait until i have my car but
that wont be for a few more weeks. i dont want to wait.
sometimes i miss him so much it hurts. grrrrr.......

josh#2 called last night drunk and saying hes moving to
kentucky. i dont understand that boy...
ive always been an arm to lean on to my friends but he
needs to figure himself out more before i could be of any
use to him. ill stay out of it.

i dreamed i was eating nuttella with aza and mindy saw
satan and went to look for him and went to the garage where
aza and i were eating yummy hazelnut spread and it scared
me thinking maybe i was the devil but she gave me a big hug
and left.


tori amos - scarlets walk
(especially a sorta fairytale.....stuck in my head now)
nick drake - bryter later
tool - undertow
jeff buckley - mystery white boy

dream brother (biography of tim and jeff buckley)
the fountainhead - ayn rand
sluggy freelance archives

this morning a repairman at work thought i was wearing so
much black because of haloween. i had forgotten it was the
31st actually. i had to explain it was just because i
havent done laundry in awhile. i think i look nice though
despite puffy eyelids. i always have pretty lips.......

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