The mediocrity that is me
Response to anthony's journal that I might send later:
This sounds really similar to something we were talking
about the other night, smoking cigarettes and I think I
said something along the same lines of what you just
posted here. You just put my thoughts in words, in a
story of sorts I guess. I really like it. A lot.
But what if that is what a person wants in life? What if
their dream is to get married, have kids, live in
suburbia. Be warm, safe, and content for the rest of
their life. Trading in security for comfort.
Is that really a bad goal? I mean, sure, it's not what
you or I want out of life, but who's to say that it's not
what someone out there wants.
Giving up on some of your dreams is a part of life. Not
all your dreams are going to come true. You can do all
the wishing and hoping and action that you want, but
eventually you'll have to face the hard truth: things
don't always work out. I think that sometimes, you do
have to give up.
Anyway, it's not like the person you've mentioned has
never accomplished anything in life. Perhaps they were a
good parent to the kids, provided for them. Loved them
even. I've never been a parent, but from what I can tell,
most consider it the most important thing they have ever
done in their lives. If you do it right, it's completely
selfless. In fact, being a good parent has to be the most
selfless act anyone could possibly undergo. You give up
your life for the life of your children. What could
possibly be more noble? What could possibly be more great?
Not that it's something I want, fuck no. Not at all. But
what is really living life, and just living it? What's
the difference if you travel and do all sorts of exotic
things --- all for yourself --- and if you get married,
have a child? Unconditional, selfless love? There are
the smaller, unoticed things in life that make it worth
living --- like walking on the beach, or conversations
until dawn. Kissing. Holding hands. Laughing. Jumping
in piles of leaves. You just have to look at it the right
I know, this is completely unfocused. Maybe I do want
kids. Maybe I'm just afraid. I think I'm more selfish
than afraid though. I want to live life for myself, and
you can't with a family. You have to be responsible.
My point? None really.
"All you ever tried to do was live life..."
And really, who's to say that you didn't?