Living Is a Hard Thing To Do
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2002-10-31 04:21:28 (UTC)

Tomorrow is Mr. Halloween

Man, tomorrow i have to work from two thirty to five.
That's not cool. I get to see mr. matt sometime this
weekend. I miss him. I havent seen him since Sunday. We
talked last night...he's such a sweetie...The 10th is our
one month. It's ecstiting. I'm so tired right now but i
dont want to go to bed but that's because i'm a goobet. and
a dorkette. LoL, oh well. I want to talk to matt, but i'm
not calling him. LoL, i'll talk to him tomorrow or Friday.
Wednesday's are hectic because we both have church and
tomorrow's halloween and so we both have different plans. i
know that we seem like it's not good, but the thing is is...I just look forward to the times i see him.
He sweet, so honest, so sincere and so kind. He
makes me smile when I think about him. He's the first guy
that I've ever dated that i've never wanted to be single
again. I always kiss the guys i date...i kiss them a lot,
but i dont need that with Matt because we have so much
more. We have communication and we have times where just
talking to him makes the knots go down in my stomach. When
we got into the fight a week ago, it wasnt good...he wanted
to take a break, but i couldnt do that. I'm so glad. We
both told each other last night about how we didnt want to
like each other too much fer it to end. It's so hard.
Because as I get older, I realize that I can't protect
myself from the bad anymore. Things arent so simple. But
the more I realize that, the more I realize that if I take
more risks and put myself on the line..the better things
can be. I'm taking the biggest risk right now..I'm giving
Matt part of me..and he's getting it fast. I dont know how
or why he's making me like him so much, but it makes me
feel good. And I know that if I dont put myself out there
and I hold back, he's gonna think I dont trust him and I'll
end up losing him. So, I have to watch my step, but at the
same time i have to be willing to put myself on the line
and take the extra step to make things extra special