Ad 0:
2002-10-31 03:48:30 (UTC)


What an amazing concept. I have always believed that what
will happen to me will happen for a reason. I don't know so
much about that anymore. I think that what happens to me is
based on my reaction to those factors.

Today, was arguably one of the worst days of my life.
Physically sick, emotionally nauseated and distressed, and
visually occupied by dead bodies. (read a diary called "The
way out is through" for more info.)Today, looking at a
dried, decayed cadavre and sqeezing its lung, which felt
remarkably like a Nerf football (thanks, smart anatomy guy.)
I realized that i was as close as i will ever get to the
physical manifestation of death. Looking at a dead body and
realizing this WILL be me. Its frightening. I will die.
There isn't anything i can do about it. Except one thing. I
can live my life UNTIL i die. I will be who i am and who i
am meant to be. I feel foolish telling my thoughts to a
diary when i should be telling them to a person. There have
been days when i wished i was dead. Everyone has had those
days. To die, to escape from everything, to feel like
everything and nothing. But i realize now how juvenile that
is. Life is about who i am. Not who i pretend to be. If
people dont like the real me. Fuck them. I dont care if
they cared about the people i was. That wasnt me. I will be
who i am.

you didn't hurt me nothing can hurt me
you didn't hurt me nothing can stop me now

I am going to be who i am. I am going home. I'm going to be.
Nothing can stop me now.

Remember, take care of others, and take care of yourselves.


-Paul Jorgenson (Thats who i am!)

"What comes will come, and you will have to meet it when it
does." -Rubeus Hagrid

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