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2002-10-30 22:53:27 (UTC)

dont you hate it when you feel..

dont you hate it when you feel like crying
but you cant even manage to do that right
its like all of these feelings
are just festering
and i cant even let them
drip down my face
stain it with salt
i cant look in the mirror
and be like
yeah look there is some of it out
instead i sit here hitting keys
while inside
i sit here hitting my brain
over and over again again and again
against the side of my skull
hoping for some reaction
besides this unsettling feeling in my stomach
this rollercoaster of yes and nos
the cold mixed with the sweat in my palms
the mail just brought more confusion into it
i know i never took anything for granted
but it doesnt make this any easier
what am i supposed to do
im hurting so much
and there really isnt any reason why
i shouldnt be.
its like a faucet that you cant turn off
and im wasting so much of this water
when will i run dry again?

i am going to go sleep with mowie