Ad 2:
2002-10-30 19:15:54 (UTC)

here comes the sun....and i say...its alright....

what an insane last couple of days.

im back from tallahassee.
i got back this morning. about 830.

so far today has been...not too pleasing.

started last night really.
i was sick.
i went to sleep.
after listening to my mother yell at me for awhile.
and wanting to talk to emily so badly i couldnt stand it.
my mom says i was "emotionally distressed"

if thats the case.
then why make it worse...
i do not understand her.

so i wake up at 4 in the morning.
drive in the dark and in the rain half way here.
then my mom took over.
i passed out for the rest of the ride.

get home about 830
i had to leave for class by like 9
i had to finish the hw i couldnt do that was due today
before i left.
did that.
got to school.
had three classes.
did some stupid pointless crap in my first class.
got attitude from some stupid bitch.
who treated me like i was stupid.
that pissed me off.
then i went to psych.
where i saw ryan.
who wont even look at me.
who is now passing notes back and forth with jamie.
a stupid girl i do not like that went to highschool with
who...is just. bad. just a bad person.
they sit behind me and its like theyre trying to make me
jealous or something because he was "my" friend.
its so petty.
and it actually makes me feel a little better about the
fact that im being a bitch.
i dont need people that stupid in my life.
there are enough of them already.

then i went to db.
i got my test back...i got an 85.
which is good considering i guessed on two questions.
totally pulled it out of my ass. a lot. and got them right.
and then, i missed 5 of the hard t/f
but, an 85 is a b.
and i am very happy with that.

so then i get out of class.
oh yes
AND i forgot my cigarettes.
dont even ask how that happened.
but it most definetly did.
so i get out of class.
and find out my mother has
suspended my cell phone.

i have no cell phone.

you know.

i mean usually it wouldnt be that HUGE of a fuckign deal.
its not a thing you need to get by in life or anything.

but right now.

in this point in time.

my cell phone is the ONLY thing beside this diary that
fucking keeps me grounded at ALL

the only way i talk to my girlfriend.

the only way i talk to pretty much anyone because with my

i am NEVER home.

not mentioning the fact that...


and the ONLY way that my group can get in touch with me is
through my cell phone.


and i cant even check my messages.
i cant do shit.

and she didnt even tell me.

she just did it.

just fucking did it.

so yeah..

yeah goodbye last small little FUCKING GRIP ON REALITY
that i HAD

goodbye to anyone who could fix me when im crazy

goodbye to talking to my girlfriend who i havent fucking
talked to in forever because i have been with my mother
for the last few days out of town and i couldnt talk to

"you dont have to talk to her everyday."

LOL. EXCUSE ME??????????????


what the FUCK.

just because she is incapable of caring about anyone
pretty much.

besides me and her dogs.

doesnt mean that i DONT CARE ABOUT PEOPLE.

shes trying to make it pretty much impossible though...you

what the fuck..


i have called.

everyone i possibly can.

i do not know what to do.

fuck man i dont even know if thats where i want to GO




the first.

i need to fucking decide on shit.
and now.

i just want to talk to emily.

i know that sounds bad...

i just want to talk to her.

when i was there...
i couldnt help but feel weird.

i mean..

i dont know.

its not about going places because of her.
or because of anyone for that matter.
besides myself.

its just

i thought i had things all planned out.
i thought i had talked about everyhting

i thoguht everythign was going to be pretty easy

especially after i got accepted to usf.

but then things changed.

and now im just so lost.

i have no idea what to rely on what to do where to go who
wants me who doesnt what school when where im going to
live or ANYTHING

and now i dont even have my cell phone.

why did she do this to me

i dont understand

i dont get it

i have so little keeping me from being totally fucking

and those keep getting taken away from me and fucked up

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