Rebecca

Pointless Dribble
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2002-10-30 16:57:16 (UTC)

What now...

Last night a mutual friend called me. She told me that
he and her conversated about me. She let me know that "if
he wasn't with her, he'd be with you!" Right... now what.
He admits he cares about me to everyone. He admits it to me with
every look or touch, but she stands in the way of our
happiness. He doesn't love her. He like what use to be
there, but is no long there. Why does he have to look at
me the way he does. As though when he looks into my eyes
he's really not looking there, but into my soul...my
heart...my being. His touches leave me with a highness
that I can not explain.
I wish there was a wall high enough that I could cage
myself within it to never be hurt from love again!
The mutual friend said that he was going to take time out
anf really think of what he wants. But how long am I to
wait. I'd wait forever for him if I knew that there was
going to be a time where we'd be together. Though, forever
seem to be a long time to be loving one sidely. But she
said that he is going to talk to me soon. I wonder if it
will be tonight. Band practice is tonight, and I always go
to watch him play. He is so in love with his music that it
makes me want him that much more. I am so weak when it
comes to him. I fear I am going to get hurt. I don't need
another broken heart. I don't think I can handle another
love lost.
I'm so nervous. What do I say to his reaction. I keep
role playing in my head to what he says to me. But I can't
seem to think about what if his answer is no. What if he
chooses her. What do I say then. I guess I will find out
soon enough. Until then I suck between my head which is
trying to be logical and my heart that waits to let go of
reality and fall in love again. I do care him. But I never
let him know how my feelings truly flow, until he lets me
know how he feels. Ball is in his court!
Lots of Love,
Me


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