~*KandyDevil*~

~*Diary Of A Lost Soul*~
2002-10-30 06:46:56 (UTC)

No title

...Went to belly dancing tonite. Still very out of it, I
sat thru the first half of the class & discussed things
with Kylie. We took like the last half an hour tho. We
tried to call Craig but we couldn't remember his phone
number. Kylie tried Josh's to get it but there was no
answer. Tomorrow/today we are going to the mall. I dont
know why... I hate the fucking wilton mall but its
something to do I guess... course I have no money cuz I
spent the last of it on vodka & cigars... heh, never
thought you'd hear that coming outta my mouth, eh? That's
when you know something's wrong. I'm only but a junkie =(
For reasons unknown to me I even asked Kylie tonight if she
knew anybody that could get my pot. Don't know what's
happening to me. I'm falling apart. Didnt know that it was
even possible to fall apart even more than I have... I'm
craving cigarettes too... not in an addiction type of
way... just... I don't know... I somehow had a cigarette
left over from the party and as I was looking for my
lighter I broke the fucker & no more cigarette for me =(
Well in other things... this loser ipfxtwin is going around
saying that I am using fake pictures that arent of me.
Could somebody that knows me please set him straight!? I
made a test thingie for people to see how well they know
me. Take it here: http://www7.friendtest.com/viewquiz.php?
account=kandydevil . ...I feel so shitty... physically,
emotionally, spiritually... things havent been too good...
things seem so numb all of a sudden... I dont even know
where I am or what I am doing half the time... physically I
do but mentally I am lost and I dont know if I can find my
way back... I really want everything to be okay again... I
want everything to work & be good & be happy... Just for
once I want to be truly happy... don't know if I ever
really have been... tonight I told Kylie that nobody would
even care if I were dead. She says that she would... I'm
not so sure... She said that Jon would be too... I think
he'd be better off. I think everybody would be better
off... Now dont go get your panties in a bunch anybody, I'm
not gonna kill myself... I'm too much of a pansy for
that... not that anybody reading this would give a damn
anyways...

xoxo
Rachel




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