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2002-10-30 02:57:23 (UTC)


Whats with this damn diary forgetting to remind me to
write?!? I NEED A REMINDER!!! I have it set but appariently
it forgot... Oh well... yea... It's October 29,2002. A
WHOLE LOTTA SHIT has happened since I last wrote. I asked
Jason Jackson to Santa Switch and he told me he'd go. Well
I guess now he's really trying to back out of it and he
says he probably wont now. And I already have my dress on
Lay-Away at Maurice's and I only have 67 more dollars left
until it's paid. I guess I'll loan it out to someone... We
had everything planned so perfectly. It would have been a
triple date. Me and Jason, Steph and Chad, and Tara and
Brett. We were gonna go to Denny's afterwards. We were
gonna get the guys a rose with a note saying "Dress-$87.00,
Shoess-$35.00, A perfect evening spent with you-priceless"
JUST LIKE THE VISA COMMERCIAL! It would have been so
perfect. I had my heart set on it. I bragged and bragged
about it. I don't wanna go anymore. Marcus (i found out
thats NOT how he spells his name) called me his "freshman
stalker" today (and for once wrote me a note) so I'm not
talking to him anymore. That was just so rude. It hurt, I
won't lie... I thought I was gonna cry but the bell rang
and I had to run back into class. I never see/talk to Bryan
Baumeyer. Ky is too busy to ever talk. I talked to him
yesterday after not talking to him for ages. Josh Ramsey is
still with Claire. Big surprise... Brian (Ky's friend) is
an asshole. MikeyD (from reitz) is an asshole. Tyler is an
even bigger asshole. Guys just fuckin suck. I hate them
all. Tyler (Hardig) is the biggest fuckin loser in the
world. He is SUCH an ass. Last weekend, we were tryin to
talk him into coming over to watch a movie (and bring Jason
for me, Chad for Steph and someone else for Tara) but of
course he just HAD to fuckin hang up on us several times,
and be a total ASS. Fuck him... I can't wait to have
someone beat his little fuckin ass. I went to the Reitz-
Castle game last friday to surprise Jason... Guess that
wasn't too smart. I had a great time and all but after the
game, Jason was talkin to some girls (he reeeeeeally likes
one of them) and I said hey and junk and he told me tongiht
that he felt really weird being there with me and having
her right next to him... yada yada yada. I fuckin hate guys!
I had to do my English presentation today. I got a 133/160.
Not exactly what I'd call good. I forgot to say one frickin
thing and got 20 points taken off. WHAT THE FUCK?!? UGH I'm
failing that damn class. Trafton called me yesterday saying
that if I work my ass off, I MIGHT be able to manage a C
for my semester grade. Yippy skippy... who cares? I'm about
to quit swim and speech and start being a loner again. I
just can't feel accepted knowing I'm as big as a cow and as
ugly as you! (oh wow.. I smiled... anyways) No... but I
dont dress well anymore, I hardly eat. I saved every bit of
money from lunch and everywhere else I could to frickin put
away for Jason and Santa Switch. Oh well... I guess I've
got some extra money to buy some Slim-Fast. I'm frickin 5'2
and I weigh like 103. I wanna be thin... I will sooner or
later, if it kills me. Which it prolly will... I hope. I
MISS MY MOMMIE... I can't help but think about her every
chance I get. Anytime I feel sad, or lonely, or need to
talk, I always want to call my mommie. UGH it hurts so damn
bad to know I can't. I'm gonna go... maybe I'll do some
hmwk. Maybe not.. Maybe I'll just sleep. Maybe I'll never
wake up. Until tomorrow... ~MuAhZ*

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