starry nite

my own world
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2002-10-30 02:54:59 (UTC)

as the pendulum swings down....

well earlier i was in a great mood...and now accordingly im
getting very depressed. i should have known thats what
would happen. i can only be really happy (manic) for a
little while and then i must come down. when the high ends
i am left with feelings that cause me such pain. it is so
hard to deal with sometimes. damn these moods. i wish i had
some meds that could help to balance out the moods. its
hard...not to have anything to help, especially when they
say bipolar disorder only gets worse as you get older. this
leads me to believe i should be getting help now, but that
didnt work out when i went before, none of the stuff
helped. i know i have to help myself but i need the meds to
give me a boost, and help when they are too strong for me
to handle. mom thinks i make everything up. damn it that
makes me so angry. why the fuck is she like that? to be
fair, shes been pretty cool lately, i havent gotten yelled
at in a long time, but she still thinks i make everything
up. she knows nothing about me being suicidal or that i
used to cut or anything i cant imagine how she would react
if she knew. she thinks i make up the little things so why
would she believe anything big anyway? i wish i could snap
out of this mood, i hate being like this.

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