kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
2002-10-29 19:11:53 (UTC)

feelings I can't describe

Ok. I didn't get much sleep last night. I have something
due in every class today. Right now I am in Layout and
Design. I just showed him my thumbnails and he said I had
some good ideas. I was worried he would want to see more on
them than I had.

He let me go to the lab to work on the computer. I am now
starting on one of the ideas. I think I want to work two of
them up for the first crit. It would look good and two of my
ideas are really good ones.

The feelings I can't describe are strange. I feel like
something bad is going to happen. I am hoping it is simply
stress and that nothing bad will really happen. Part of it
could be only getting 4 hours of sleep. I kinda had this
feeling before I went to bed though. I hope it goes away
soon! I am getting sick of it.

By some stroke of luck (no pun intended) Dave was online this
morning. It's like God knew I needed someone to talk to. He
said he was sure nothing bad would happen to him or my
family. I just can't get my heart to understand that. It
just keeps telling me something major is wrong. I don't know
what to do anymore.

I stood in the rain at 2am this morning. It was an amazing
and welcome sight. I never get to see it on this side of the
mountains. I cried to some Nirvana songs. There was one
that kept making me tear up. It had a line about love. I
thought it was All Apologies, but the line isn't in that
song. I guess I don't know what song it is then. Oh well.

On the way to class I was thinking about how I always seem to
run to Dave when I have a problem. I ran to him this morning
and told him what I was feeling. He showed real concern and
said I could call him if I needed to.

I don't have any real reason to call him. I wouldn't have
anything much to say. I'm not good on the phone with him.
I'm a little better face to face, but not much.

We're going to coffee this weekend. I need to remember to
tell John what's going on. I'm sure he won't mind since he
loves that coffee place. I need pictures for this menu
project. I have some good ideas, but nothing too solid yet.
I do want to take pictures of the top of the mocha when it's
still got the pattern on it. That is such a cool thing to
see. It would look great as the cover for my menu.

Why do I run to Dave with my problems? He usually offers me
a kind word of encouragment, but nothing more than that. I
know he's a great friend and perhaps the person I am second
closest to right now. I guess I need to talk to Mina about
it later. She might have some advice or simply some comments
that could tell me why I run towards Dave...

I still can't get over the fact that Mandy said she would
date Dave. It made me so mad last night. It hasn't been
bugging me, but now and then I think about it. She is not
going to take my friend away! Maybe that's how I see it. I
see her becoming great friends with Dave and I don't care for

I just don't quite know what part of her liking Dave I am
opposed to. She's a nice person. Maybe I'm jealous because
she's more outgoing than I am? Maybe I want to be more like
her and it is causing me not to like her?

I have no idea, but I am cutting out of class early and going
home to finish my painting that is due at 1. My prof can kiss
my ass today if he's mad about it. I'm guessing he might
forget all about me coming into the lab since he's only
looking over people's thumbnails today.