HeyDooder

GayDood
2002-10-29 15:29:43 (UTC)

The Best Horror Film Ever!

Fury is driving me to make the best horror film!
It will be titled :

"I Know What I Did to My Ex-Boyfriends Last Summer"

The premise will basically include all of the deep, dark,
and violent desires I have for giving just-desserts to all
those lovely, kind and considerate men (yes, I'm being VERY
sarcastic)who have wronged me in the past (I will
generalize it enough so that many will be able to empathize-
I'm not the only one with evil Ex's).
All this was sparked by Mr. Perfect, and his lovable,
huggable puppet (a.k.a. his best friend who never exhibits
a mind or opinion of her own as long as HE is around).
Apparently, I have been labelled as 'bad' because I will
not compromise my own self-indulgent Halloween fun for
their stupid over-rated game.
I am still trying to discreetly sabotage the game, to
little avail. I inconvenience them slightly, and I do
cause a bit of stress...so at least it's worth it. I don't
usually show up, I wait until the eleventh hour to tell
them I'm not coming, and even when I do go...oops! I
forget everything for the game! Can't even seem to
remember basic things...awe, how sad!
I'm still trying to rile things up to extremes. I don't
think they'd have the heart to tell me they don't want me
there, but we will have to see. I know I've pissed off one
of the other players once, and though I feel bad not really
knowing the guy...he has allied himself with the enemy (Mr.
Perfect) and thus has unwittingly made himself MY enemy.
Thank the gods Mr. Perfect really has no friends, cuz I'd
feel really bad using them as pawns in this black-hearted
game (but I would anyway). He has one: his manager from
work. But the woman is miserable enough, she needs no help
or hinderance from me...and having her around will
continually help HIM to feel old and bitter. Thus, she is
fine as she is.

But for the movie...I'd be exacting revenge on Mr. Perfect
(amongst others). I think it would have to start with...
TAKING AWAY HIS BANANA REPUBLIC WARDROBE!
I KNOW that would be scary! OH MY GOD! He couldn't be
dressed in the most fashinable attire! (insert spooky
music)
Then...he runs to tell his puppet on the phone, only...
HIS CELL PHONE IS GONE!
And I'm not even sure that he can function with a totally
out-of-style cordless. He goes to run out the door for
help, but he finds that he cannot leave because...
HIS HAIR IS A MESS!!!
Oh, the horror! The horror! He runs back up the stairs,
and begins to panic in the middle of the living room...
Obsessive compulsion begins to set in, when he realizes...
HIS BOOKS ARE ALL OUT OF ORDER!
...and he finally passes out on the carpet.
The camera spins, close up on Mr. Perfect, fade to black...
He wakes up, and finds he cannot move...
He is duct taped naked to his bed, and I'm standing over
him, laughing insanely with a hot branding iron, as his cat
watches on in terror from behind the curtain (I'd never
hurt the cat, she's the only good thing about him).
After much torture, the puppet would come over the house,
to find Mr. Perfect's charred and tortured remains.
She goes into a frenzy, not knowing how to function without
him telling her what to do every step of the way...
...and then this part of the tale becomesinsignificant...
...and then we move on to the Yoga Teacher, and I still
have to conjure up his demise.
Of course, Mr. Perfect would hardly be the first OR last
victim of the movie, though he'd likely believe the whole
thing was about HIM, as nearly everything in the universe
and under the sun are. Because as we all know, the whole
world pivots upon the very whims of our Mr. Perfects.

Until next time I remain,
Sadistically Yours,
Drew




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