Krazy Kat

My Psychotic Ramblings
Ad 2:
2002-10-29 00:58:48 (UTC)

No Control

So, I cut one finger the night of the 25th. I cut it as
deep as I could stand it. And it bled a lot, so I was
satisfied with just one cut. Errr. Well, there was also
that cut on my neck. Which by the way was passed off as a
kat scratch by my father. It was too deep to be a kat
scratch, so I had a bandage on it while he was here. I
didn't feel too bad about lying to him. I know he would
rather believe a lie like that to be know that his daughter
has started cutting again, and on such places as her neck.
But anyway......

I remembered this evening, that I forgot to go to group
this afternoon. Damn. I hope they aren't pissed at me, I
forgot all about it, so I couldn't call. The facilitators
were probably at home by the tyme I remembered. I plan on
calling them to-morrow morning...Gotta get my homework and
apologize and crap.

I also forgot Kelly was coming over this morning. I was
outside smoking when I saw her pull up. Jeez, I need to
take less Trazodone, I think, because I'm so not with it
anymore.

I also need to cool it on the Trazodone because I'll wake
up in the middle of a night for a cig and a drink, and I'll
be really out of it. I took four Trazodones all together
last night and I fell twice last night, hitting my head
both tymes. Spilt a can of soda, as well (on the carpet).
My head is rather sore and lumpy now, but it's doable, I
guess.

My OCD was acting up a little to-day. I organized a lot,
and counted a lot. Plus, there's the Neurotic
Excoriations. They came back, and they're getting worse by
the day. I pick at my ear lobe, my lip, my fingers, my
face (slightly), and my upper back. It's sick. I'm sick.
I have no control. I like HAVE to pick at my skin at
tymes. Often under stress or when I'm scared, or just when
my mind tells me it's tyme to do it.

Mum will be home to-nyte. I'm really nervous about it,
since I've been so bad and all. Wish us luck, and things.


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