lonlybuttrfli

lonlybuttrfli
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2002-10-28 05:02:53 (UTC)

craziness

nothing's really changed since the last time i wrote of
my hectic life... although, all - state has ended (finally) i
am so glad to be rid of it and my lousy quartet... i
believe it was a waste of my time being that i did not
spend enough of that time i lack in preparation.
perhaps i could have gone somewhere with it... ahh
well... i still have next year... right?

dracula show tonight... 2 down 2 to go... it's a bore...
because i am the kid, i get nothing fun to do... so, what
am i to do other than to hide back there and sleep... of
which i desperately need... oh well... i feel so distant
from my fellow techies... perhaps it is the age thing...
they all go out and drink and eat and what not
afterwards... but i have to get home to do the school
thing... grr... not fair i say... haha

i have decided that i must find me a new place of
employment. i got into an argument with colleen (my
fave ctl or gstl or whatever) i feel awful... i am so
extremely frustrated... and i wish not to work for a
company that has forced me to tears on at least 2
occasions. i have done food and i have done retail...
both have bored me just under 6 months after my
entry... i need something with some slight challenge... i
need something to keep me going... proof that what i
am doing creates something useful, instead of this
endless circle that i keep running in with them. i am
sad to leave all of them there... well, most of them, i
suppose... but i need something new... hmm...
childcare? nursing home? oh, how i would love to sit
and listen to their endless stories... that could possibly
delight me... but i am most confused recently as to
where my delight is derived from.

the situation with bo and i has not changed much. we
have grown closer now and i enjoy so much every
minute that i am able to spend with her. i feel i am
cheating her, though, i am so busy that time spent is
very little with her. i am glad she understands. what is it
like to love someone? i would like to know. i am
confused as to whether or not it is lust... or it is
friendship. if anything, i love her as a friend. at least...
my mom was ranting about her the other day on the
way to school, oh it was a riot... she made an open
statement about bo and i being good friends... i said,
well yes we are, i believe she may be my best friend...
she then went on to say how great a person bo truly is,
how she does not wish to change me and that she is
reliable... but also that she is fun. my mom really likes
her. i am afraid to tell her what is truly going on... she
may forget all that she said... and treat her differently...
but yet she might be accepting of it all... i just like where
things are right now... i will wait to share with her...

ahh well... that was far too much of boredom for anyone
who is reading this... i am curious, though... who reads
this anyhow? i can't possibly grasp as to how one could
find any of this interesting. i'll end it here... and perhaps
i shall sleep... sleep? what's that like??


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