madly enthused

the colors
2002-10-27 20:12:18 (UTC)

so i m an idiot and didn t..

so i'm an idiot and didn't realize until last night when i
came looking for a specific entry last night that many
entries i know i've written have mysteriously vanished.
someone is stealing days from my life! i know it's more
realistic that they just never got entered but all the
same, i'm upset. i write so that sometime i'll come back
and look at what i've said and last night i needed to look
back and laugh about how fucking right i was about how
things would go with dave. he's so not a good idea for
me. so i guess now he's claiming he doesn't know what he
wants with stephanie. that doesn't help me any, or it
shouldn't. last night while laying in his arms i started
to muttering how this is not a good idea. he said he
knows. he said that's why this is all we're doing. he
then said, "please just don't pull the girl thing" which
had come up in conversation earlier as being when the girl
gets upset because she wants a serious relationship with
the guy and he wants to see other people. i find it all
hillarious. i know i need to step away. he sees what
we're doing as harmless and relatively unattached to
feelings. he's not as unattached as he'd like to be
though. and i'm not either. he's giving me what i see to
be the best parts of a relationship. for him it's the
little stuff that leads to sex. i don't know what to think.

"i'm tired of fighting, fighting for a lost cause."
beck




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