Life as I know it.
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2001-08-08 06:45:10 (UTC)

im looking at the man in the mirror

God where do I begin...its nothing bad but well where do I
begin. Damon, Ill begin with Damon.

I seriously think I am in love with him, I mean he was
always the friend I leaned on, but damn it, I think I love
him. He just finished law school and I want him to move
back here. But he likes the south, god dammit, we always
talk about how we are gonna get married and move to eastern
Europe, I think that is the only place we ever agreed to
move together cause we always fight about if we were to
ever run away together where we would go. Yeah he hasnt
been mentioned thus far cause well, we come and go in
contact but once again we are back in. I cant even tell
you how we met, i seriously cant, i dont remember, but he
knows everything i feel just by looking at me. Its pretty
intense. We're too similar too. He was the first person I
ever met that I felt completely connected to. I mean after
meeting him its like my world has opened up, this is far
from recent when i was a freshman he was a senior and he
went away to law school but we always stayed in contact off
and on. I feel that my soul is violated when we talk,
cause i know he can tell what im thinking and feeling, its
a pretty scary but cool experience. IM scared of him
sometimes cause its like he can totally rape my emotions.
If you understand that. So after a year hiatus we started
talking, you dont understand we understand eachother so
much but we basically piss eachother off too. Its weird.
But everytime we talk im just like a totally different
person. But enough of him.

Got back from being out wtih john tonight...god he is like
my best friend. But i wanted him bad tonight, i dont know,
im just in the mood to kiss a boy i swear. But he
protected me from scary girls who wanted me to be with them
tonight, im not anti gay people obviously, but im not a
lesbian eventho i do go to gay bars. And I knew this would
happen sooner or later I finally fucking saw my gay ex
boyfriend out.......oh that was bad, trust me, i almost
cried...its hard to see the boy you were in love with for
two years of your life out dancing with men.....trust me,
it is. But i dealt, we didnt talk to eachother either he
didnt recognize me or it was mutual, i have no clue. But
oh my god it killed me, I took it well, stuff likes this
happens sometimes you know? I mean my friend didnt even
know her ex was gay when she saw him out. So i guess
things could always be worse.

Anyway im tired and hot and ugh drunk....but not too drunk,
good sleeping drunk.

Im outta here.