Bast

Idiocy
2002-10-26 13:57:15 (UTC)

Pills

I do not believe in pills, I never have. I never swallowed
a pill until I was 15 years old. It wasn't to cure me
though thats not why I took one...nor did I just take one.
It is ironic really that because I overdosed on tylenol that
I have to take pills for the rest of my life at this rate.
So for taking too much of a pill they cure me with another
pill. Makes sense doesn't it. Not really. This entry is
not for my benefit it is for yours, for anyone that thinks
they are my friend...this entry is for you.

When you wake up in the middle of the night trying to pull a
tube out of your throat you can claim to have some
understanding. When you look into the eyes of your mother
and see disgust and fear there then you can tell me you have
issues. When you have flashbacks of your own suicide
attempt, when you can't control the images that flash before
your eyes, when you have to grip the wall to stay standing,
when you can't hold on anymore and you are forced to the
ground then you can approach me and guilt trip me, When you
wake up choking feeling someones hand on the back of your
head holding you down, not being able to breathe then you
can argue with me, when a guy shoves a penis into your dry
virgin pussy against your will then you can tell me that you
hurt..... You claim that I don't listen to you but have you
ever really listened to me? Does airing out all of these do
anything for me? Not anymore. I can't handle the present
let alone the past. I still live in my past half the time.
Do you notice when I slip into the past, do you care? I
need to stay in the present and I need friends who are
there, who care, who aren't false..... I need someone who
won't let me push them away. I have that friend and then I
have you. I'm sorry everything isn't about you, I am sorry
that I am not "your Charity" but really....get over it.




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