BigHay1005

Hmmm...
2002-10-26 03:42:54 (UTC)

Friday

Ahh another Friday rolls around and I can see the light.
And believe me, my week has been dark. I just got home from
the McNeil vs. RR volleyball game. It was so exciting but
RR won and Tori did good and that makes me mad because I
hate her. I have early practice tomorrow (9-11) and then
it's off to Houston. I didnt do all of my HW due today so I
had to haul ass in lunch, and Colin came over and was
hugging on me and in my head I was like screw it I'll skip
chemistry to hang out with him anyday haha no prolly not
really. Some more poetry from Smelly Cat Corner (AKA Hailey
is a literary dumbass):

i look in to your eyes
i know your tricks
i hear your lies
and im not surprised

ive been hurt before
that remains the same
i cant take it anymore
enough games

but when you flash that smile
i forget about your guile
my heart melts
-its heart-felt

so whatever you do
dont show me your grin
i get weak in the knees
and you win.. again

at least give me the chance
to turn my back and run
my pain is your expense
is your fun.

Whew it feels good to write a bunch of bullshit knowing
nobody will read it. But sometimes I wonder about even my
own intentions... if I really didn't want anyone to ever
read this, why would I bother writing? Do I subconsciously
know one day I will show this to my friends, or is this
something I've found to be theraputic and I couldn't stop
now if I wanted to? It's so weird to know exactly what you
mean but the words aren't invented yet to express yourself.
To be trapped inside yor thoughts, to be without words. And
my fear in writing this journal or diary is that my own
thoughts are being trapped inside a box, where God knows
what people could hold against me. Enough worrying- I worry
too much and I need to go crazy one day and just be like
AHHHHH DONT FUCKING TALK IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE NICE
BECAUSE I DONT RESPECT YOU ENOUGH TO TAKE IT. AND DON'T
LEAD ME ON. EVER. ABOUT ANYTHING. AND IF YOU MAKE FUN OF ME
YOU BETTER BE GOD BECAUSE NOBOY ELSE IS PERFECT AND I WILL
FIND A WAY TO MAKE FUN OF YOUR SORRY ASS. Hahahaha that was
so tight. Only it was all imaginary and I'm a big sissy
that lets people walk all over me.




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