The Diary of Rikki Alana
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2001-08-08 02:48:11 (UTC)

The General Deal

Dear Diary,

I do not express my feelings well, even in writing, which
kinda sucks because I am crazy and confused, and basically
any other emotion a teenage girl should be feeling. Today I
had another long discussion with my father and step mother
about how my mother is wrong for doing whatever she does.
My dad was a half hour late dropping off Jared and I and
Mom got pissed and said it was my responsibility. Yeah,
that's bullshit- I can't even drive and Dad's cell phone
was fucked up. Chris is in Greece and I miss him soooo
much. He will be back in like 18 days but I can't wait
until he calls. Maccabi is fun but it kinda sucks because I
feel like I am doing everything wrong and that my team and
coaches are disappointed in me, and for sure they are. I
wish I was a better player but no matter what I do I always
fuck up. Speaking of being fucked up, this not hooking up
with guys thing is so not working. I am such a fucking
nympho! What's wrong with me? I read these things about
chicks getting with a lot of guys because they have low
self esteem and whatnot but I don't know if I have low self
esteem. I mean, what is there to be underconfident about
me? I am decent looking and guys tell me I am easy to talk
to and fun to be around and that there is just something
about me that just kinda appeals to guys...whether they
just wanna get laid or not I have no clue but I'd like to
think that I could trust them to a certain extent. That
whole trusting issue with me, I don't fully trust
anyone...but I mean if you were friends with such bitches
would you trust them? For sure not! Tomorrow, Geoff is
coming over for a bit...we are for sure going to hook
up...hopefully I'll get more out of it than he will, after
all, he's a hottie but he fucks way too much. Chris and I
are saving ourselves for eachother...I hope he doesn't meet
some Greek Goddess chick in Greece when he is there...he
might forget about me and that would so suck because his
parents would actually approve of this Greecian chick-
after all, his father is Greek. I feel so bad for my
mom...she puts up with so much shit from me and everyday
she's warning me..."Rikki, don't do drugs, don't drink,
don't smoke." And yet, being the little shit I am I do it
anyway...I'm not addicted but if it's there I am gonna do
it. Alcohol is fun in Farmington Hills where there is
absolutely jackshit to do- but if I were to ever get
arrested being only almost 15 I'd get a fucking MIP and
then I would be fucked...I would never be allowed out of my
house ever again until I was in college...and even then I
would still be fucked. Speaking of alcohol I think I need a
drink...a Smirnoff's Ice sounds amazing right about now.
Ahhh Fuck me...Dreaming about alcohol again- what a fuckin
alcky...but whatever. I think I've written enough for

Love Always,