Jules420

The Adventures of Jules Santana
2002-10-25 14:26:44 (UTC)

My life, my life, my life....In the Sunshine

Just as a sidenote, that is one of my favorite songs by
Mary J. Blige.."My Life". Anyway this week has been quite
grueling and trying for me to be honest. This week I was
sooo fucking drunk and hungover here at work on Wednesday
that I thought that it would be easier for me to just die
from the alcohol poisoning from the night before. Me and
Beth really did a job on those drinks on Tuesday
night....so much so that I had to wake Beth up from
sleeping in her back seat since she was sooo fucked up...oh
and was also the designated driver. That shouldn't happen
ever again!!!! But now I don't know, I think I am going to
take a break from hanging out with everyone. Last night I
went out and I saw Wanda and Orlando, but to be honest, I
don't know why but I feel so out of the loop with her and
Orlando. I mean honestly, I love Orlando like he were my
own husband, and I love Wanda like she were my twin sister,
but lately the two of them have been hanging out soo much
more and its due to school, but I'm so used to getting all
the attention from both sides that now it seems like no one
has time for Julian. I mean it sounds childish and all but
hey, I can't help how I feel. I mean I love that the two
of them are both on campus now, and that the two of them
hang out, I mean shit, Wanda just moved onto campus so I'm
sure the two of them will be hanging out on a regular
basis, probably more than I hang out with either one of
them myself. But I just feel like the two of them are just
becoming so much more and I am turning into so much less to
them. I know I am buggin totally, because I know the two
of them love me and adore me, and would do anything for me,
So I guess that explains why I feel more sad about the
situation than mad. I mean how can I be mad or upset with
them for living, for making the best of their
situations...I can't. I just feel like my friendship is
shifting to a less important stage with them, but then
again, I have to do what I have to do and I guess I just
have gotten too used to being the center of attention, and
being spoiled on both ends and loving it. I mean maybe
this is actually more realistic and mentally healthy for me
anyway. I mean who am I to demand attention all of the
time. Who am I to be jealous of my friends becoming
friends, I mean it's not like they don't want to hang out
with me anymore, or that they don't feel like seeing me,
they just have to prioritize properly and I agree that
their school and all comes first, and I am not a part of
that. I guess this is a sign that I am getting older and
maturing because the old me would have totally be flipped
out and insulted that I was coming in 2nd best in their
lives, and as I always used to say "I am never 2nd best to
anything"....hence the issues that I recently had with Beth
this summer. But yeah, I guess I just needed to write it,
and read it for myself so that I could deal with it. I'm
just going to take some time now and just deal and have my
own transition and from there, just approach the situation
like I feel it should be.

Music: I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor




Ad: