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Hot Fire
2002-10-24 15:16:48 (UTC)

the hands of fate

things are going great right now, we sat and talked. and
now i have no worries for what is to come. i am putting it
all into the hands of fate. it's been snowing and the
summit was crazy yesterday morining. i was down to about
40 mph in a 75 zone due to the fog, ice and snow. i never
thought i would have such an adventure just going to
school. It took me an hour and a half to get to school
when it normally only takes ma an hour or so. oh well,
today i flew over the summit because the road was dry, but
there was still snow on the side of the road. I saw the
most beautiful sight on the way to school this morning.
the hills were covered with snow and the rising sun made
the most beatiful purples pinks oranges and yellows in the
sky of fog and mist. i wanted to take a picture of it so
bad, but i couldnt get to my camera while driving. i
really love it here, things are so different. i still miss
california so much. i could really use a nice sunny day
and about 70 degree weather right about now considering all
the snow i have begun to see and the below freezing
temeratures. I just can't seem to stay warm these days, i
have california blood adapted for the heat, not wyo cold.
oh well, i will get used to it and for another month, i
will be able to cuddle up with someone really special. i
really want us to get to spend thanksgiving together, i
just hope my dad will let me take off on a thanksgiving
weekend roadtrip to kansas....with a BOY..... oh, i dunno,
maybe he'll be having a really good day when i ask him and
actually consider it. he knows that it's really important
to me to meet my maybe someday family-in-laws, so why not
now, it's the perfect opportunity. i love my boyfriend and
i really want to spend thanksgiving with him and his family
because i don't really have any family here to sit around a
big oval table with and totally stuff myself while watching
the football games and halftime shows like i have become so
accustomed to. there won't be any cousins to chase around
the house, or kids to pick on, i can't make fun of my aunt,
and i won't be able to have the stuffing that i love so
much.


here's where it gets depressing, so please don't read
anymore, i just needed to write it for myself...

Dad's trying, but he just can't take holidays, he doesn't
want to cook and have to think about things none of us want
to remember. i still can't stand the thought of not having
my mom here. she made everything happen. she usually made
all the get-togethers possible by cooking an awesome meal
that coupld feed the whole army, and her spirits were
always so high. no one could be unhappy if she was there.
things are different now without her, holidays aren't
anything i look forward to amymore. i don't really like
christmas or thanksgiving anymore because i think of how
sick she was two years ago when she was struggling with
that damn kemo therapy. i wish cancer could be destroyed.
how could it possibly do anyone any good at all and now
Fern is dying of it too. i feel so bad because mike steve,
cheryl and bob, just to name a few will be devestated with
the same thing i have had to deal with. i don't think
shell make it past the day that my mom died two years ago.
january 5th 2001, i hate that day. i don't even want to
get up out of bed when that day rolls around, because when
i do i just start weeping. i live my mom so much and i
don't want the holidays to be lonely. i really need that
roadtrip so i can enjoy a holiday once again.




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