Endless abyss of nonsense and sorrows
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2002-10-24 01:38:33 (UTC)

Oct 23 - Suicide doesnt sound so bad now....

I am such a screw up
I deserve to be shot.

Leah's cousin signed on today...
she told me that leah told her that she was planning on
busting a friend out of Rehab and living with them...
I was worried... but i wasnt sure if she was going to carry
through with it...
Her cousin swore me to secrecy that she told.

Then... Leah said something to me:

FireHazard says:
FireHazard says:
i m gonna say good-bye and ur just going to say bye
FireHazard says:
ur not going to ask questions ok??

I immediatley started saying no... wait... dont... what is
wrong... what are you planning??

I wasnt even implying it to what her cousin told me...

She started cussing me out and saying that she was going to
kill her cousin for telling me (not literally). Her cousin
kinda yelled at me for it... and i swore i didnt say
ANYTHING! (cause I didnt) I told leah that her cousin
didnt say anything.. she just sounded suspicous... cause i
promised her cousin i wouldnt say anything. But... leah
told me that her cousin had already confessed to it and
asked why i was lying. Well, i kinda calmed her down on
that and said i only lied cause i couldnt break a promise...

then it got worse...

I told one of my other friends... someone that she barely
knew... about what she had said and asked if that sounded
suspicious. I didnt say her name... of course. I used her
sign in name... little did I know that she was on his
messenger. Well he asked her about it and she got PISSED
at me and started cussing me out about how I should tell
the whole world about it. I told my other friend that it
wasnt her i was talking about i just used her name... so he
told her sorry for the misunderstanding... and I set
everything right again. but she was still pissed at me and
accused me of telling almost everyone about everything.
Ive never told anyone anything that she's said to me..
except this one time... and I didnt even say who said
it...... she cussed me out for about 10 minutes.. then i
blew up and said i should even care anymore cause it doesnt
do any good... 90% of the time it just blew up in my face.
I screamed... well... caps locked the convo for about 10
minutes.. then we calmed down... anhd she said she had to
go... and bye.

that was it

im such a looser

im a screwup

suicide doesnt sound bad now

maybe i would rid the world of my stupidity

obviously im a loud mouth gossiper

so i guess that would stop

I have to go now... Ill try and not do something stupid for
the sake of the friends i have left.... but i sure could
use some cheering up.