crimson

A Lost Soul
2002-10-23 22:10:07 (UTC)

Falling

As i sit here falling deeper and deeper into
depression, i wonder what if i just let the knife glaze
deep enough just to see if i can really do it. What do i
have to live for really, wait i know i have My wonderful
man and like 5 other people who would truely miss me. But
is that really ehough to keep the blade away from my vein.
I hope so... Why does it have to be me sinking into this
depression? Why does it come when everything is prefect in
my life? I have this wonderdul guy that i love and he loves
me but as i sit here i wonder if they would truely care if
i did kill myself. I have avoided coming to this point for
a couple of days. Everyday holding the blade over my wrist
wondering if i should go ahead and do it. But when i think
of Chad it makes me not want to. I sit here now with a
blade right next to me thinking should i go for it before
anyone notices that i am gone or if i should not do it
because someone truely cares for me and would be deeply
hurt if i did. As i think more and more i wonder hey what
the hell he doesn't have to know if i just cut once but
wait he will know so i don't need to because when i do cut
i cut deep so that it doesn't stop bleeding i hope that i
will have the will power to resist this one night because i
want to be with him so much but then again i feel that it
is time for me to join my cousin

GoodBye,
Crimson




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