Lost and Searching
2002-10-23 15:49:50 (UTC)

Well Hells Bells

Justin didn't make it home this weekend which i am not
really sure of, but oh well.. I did fine with out
him....and sure i did not have sex, i have been able to get
along without it for now.......

well the weather has started to change here in kansas and i
am not sure how much longer i will be able to function
since it has become colder i have had a cold, a runny
nose, and i feel sick to my stomache daily...when i went up
for a check up, i described my symptons and out of the blue
they asked if i could possibly be pregnant. First i thought
your joking right, you can't be serious.....besides you
told me i couldn't get pregnant with all the drugs i am the doctor said things can happen without
explaination....yes i have been exposed, no didn't use a
condom, and as for the damn birth control pill i take it
when i remember to......

so there i sat yesterday in the doctor's office right
before close while they drew blood to see if i was

The phonce call came early this morning, no i am not
pregnant, but that was after i had the thoughts in my
mind....a baby, i could be carrying a baby.....the
possibility of this was awesome...finally i thought i would
make a difference in someone's life.....there would be a
little piece of me left behind in someone...then i started
to wonder what would justin think??? how would he respond
to something like this??? shit would he flipped....then the
scarier thoughts started to go through my mind..would i be
able to carry to term, make it through the
pregnancy....damn what would the side effects of all the
drugs i am on........i am going to have to tell justin that
i am sick and that he may end up caring for the baby all by

but then guess what, the test showed that i am not