lilliana

lilliana
2002-10-23 12:48:59 (UTC)

Today of all days

today of all days has momentarily just begun...but already
I feel this omnious feeling of self doubt creeping into my
system. I just wish I could explain myself more in depth
and stop being this fucking pansy prick whose afraid to
smile. When will I be able to fully respect the day
that "God" has granted me? But of course, being both
pessimisstic and atheist how can I except that? So I
reluctantly drag on...like some entity that no one has the
courage to see...the courage to love. Im also aware of how
self hating I am. I read all my past entries and I chuckle
at how vile I have become over the years. How fake I have
become. I almost could dissapear from lack of character.

Why is it that sadness settles upon me? What about all
the other happy people who's lives need to be destroyed?

what about them?