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where is my REM. where. i need it. god damnit.
3 35 am
i cant sleep.
give me a fuck yeah for frozen waffles in the middle of
i cant stop thinking about this fsu usf thing.
its such a pressing issue in my mind.
i have to decide all of this by the 1st pretty much.
and i dont even know if i am accepted or not.
its frustrating and stressful.
i kind of talked to emily.
i dont know.
nothing ever seems to be resolved.
unless we are face to face.
and i suppose i will just leave it as that.
i just cant handle much more bullshit from any aspect of
especially from that part, because i am really weak
emotionally when it comes to her. vulnerable.
she has more control over my mood than anyone else in my
and it sucks sometimes.
i need to rid myself of all the bullshit that i can.
because its 3 35 am. i should be asleep. but im not.
and its like this a lot of nights.
my stomach hurts a lot.
i dont know what is wrong with it.
but it needs to get better.
i am excited to see shaun on monday.
he is too cute. seriously.
he is throwing a semi party because im going to be there
i just feel bad because im afraid its going to be like
what happened in tampa when i left my mom alone all night.
maybe she can come too. =).
im interested in meeting his gay roommate. i think thats
hes excited to show me around and stuff.
im really glad that i have someone like that there so that
my mom and i wont be entirely confused and lost.
tampa was a bit easier, i had been there plenty of times.
all i know about tallahassee is that its north.
maybe the carbon monoxide of a cigarette will make me
or maybe ill just go take a handful of unknown pills i
find by opening bottles on my moms counter in the dark,
drink the rest of that captain, listen to placebo, jot
down my scattered thoughts on the back of a worn out
notebook, heat my old knife so much that i can smell the
burning flesh on my arm, down a bottle of nyquil, all the
time wondering why. why. why.
and relive my fucking childhood.
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