sweetaddiction

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2002-10-23 07:57:16 (UTC)

where is my REM. where. i need it. god damnit.

3 35 am

i cant sleep.

give me a fuck yeah for frozen waffles in the middle of
the night.

i cant stop thinking about this fsu usf thing.
its such a pressing issue in my mind.

i have to decide all of this by the 1st pretty much.

and i dont even know if i am accepted or not.

its frustrating and stressful.


i kind of talked to emily.

i dont know.

nothing ever seems to be resolved.
unless we are face to face.

and i suppose i will just leave it as that.

i just cant handle much more bullshit from any aspect of
my life.

especially from that part, because i am really weak
emotionally when it comes to her. vulnerable.

she has more control over my mood than anyone else in my
life.

and it sucks sometimes.

i need to rid myself of all the bullshit that i can.

because its 3 35 am. i should be asleep. but im not.

and its like this a lot of nights.

my stomach hurts a lot.
i dont know what is wrong with it.
but it needs to get better.

it hurts.

a lot.

i am excited to see shaun on monday.

he is too cute. seriously.

he is throwing a semi party because im going to be there
mon night.

i just feel bad because im afraid its going to be like
what happened in tampa when i left my mom alone all night.

maybe she can come too. =).

im interested in meeting his gay roommate. i think thats
cute.

hes excited to show me around and stuff.
im really glad that i have someone like that there so that
my mom and i wont be entirely confused and lost.

tampa was a bit easier, i had been there plenty of times.

all i know about tallahassee is that its north.
right? =)

maybe the carbon monoxide of a cigarette will make me
sleepy.

hm.

or maybe ill just go take a handful of unknown pills i
find by opening bottles on my moms counter in the dark,
drink the rest of that captain, listen to placebo, jot
down my scattered thoughts on the back of a worn out
notebook, heat my old knife so much that i can smell the
burning flesh on my arm, down a bottle of nyquil, all the
time wondering why. why. why.

and relive my fucking childhood.


.night.



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