Sal Paradise

Sal Paradise
2002-10-23 07:37:28 (UTC)

robert

robert--

as i'm sitting here on this wednesday night i find
myself thinking of you. it's been a while since i last
heard from you. you must hate me. you have every reason
to. i'm totally unworthy of you, your friendship, love,
attention. you know this, too. i'm just sorry. i really
am. i'm a liar and a hypocrite. doesn't mean i don't care
about you. i've been so afraid of emailing you. probably
because i know i fucked up. i really miss talking to you.
i'd be asking too much if i asked you to respond or even
talk to me. i was just scared, ok. i had feelings for you
that i couldn't understand and that i'm barely coming to
terms with. and remember when i told you i felt obliged?
i felt obliged because i wanted to express some kind of
affection towards you but didn't know how, so i responded
to you the same way you responded to me. often times
feeling like i had to say some things right back at you
that you said to me. i guess that was my only feeling of
obligation. i'm just writing you this email to once again
extend my apologies...and i miss you. i miss your laugh,
your sarcasm, your voice, your emails, your singing, your
thoughts, your everything. and yeah. i don't know what
else i can write.

i hope everything is well with you and your family.

--sal