Shiva

Massive Confusion

I think I'm gonna leave the country, no lie. I have
relatives that have wanted to see me for a long time in
London and I talked to my parents and they think an extended
vacation, until school starts again, is a good idea. I hate
to miss the big party at the Limelight on the 16th, Kay is
ready to beat the crap out of Ben, and Shadow too. Simmy
doesn't know what to say to me anymore, and I'm tired of
thinking about it. I've talked to Ben once in a week and
even then he was busy and said that he would call me back
which he didn't do. I don't know what happened. I don't know
what I did. I don't know what he's thinking, and I can't
find out because he will not talk to me. I've gone to his
apartment but he's never there and I would talk to his mom
and dad but they're in Jersey and never really liked me that
much anyway because of the religion thing. I want to cry
about it everyday, I want to beat the snot out of him for
not communicating with me. I'm just so confused and I know
that by leaving I'll just be running away, but he isn't
talking to me anyway so it isn't like I'm running from
something. I have no job, my friends all say that I just
need a vacation and to fuck him right up the ass. I'm just
so hella confused about everything...and there's no room for
anything else in my brain but the confusion of why he left
me. He hasn't even talked to Shadow about it, or Simmy.
I'm just worried; I have no idea where he's staying...I
talked to Jerry, the doorman, and he hasn't seen Ben either.
I hate this. I hate this.