JulietsSwanSong

Storming in my head
2002-10-22 17:27:40 (UTC)

Why I love my friends

I am probably the singl most difficult person on the
earth to live with. I don't make plans, because I like to
be able to do whatever i want whenever I want. I don't
like changing the few plans that i do make even slightly
for anyone, because I arrange my days in certain ways
to make them accomodate me. I don't like to do
anything social during the week, and on weekends i
am so drained, and crave alone time and won't do
anything social then.
I am in a word, introverted. Imean, i'm friendly, so I
have friends, and I'm funny so people like to hang out
with me, and I like helping people with their problems
so people confide in me, and if there were ever any kind
of an emergency, I would drop everything for anyone,
and they know that.
haha! "Ellena, I need to go to the hospital" "Too bad,
it's not in my agenda!" no.. this is not me.
I care about people a lot, but I feel like I've been
doing that so much for so long that it's time to jusdt take
myself into consideration for a while, you know? I'm
trying not to be selfish, but when you decide that you
have needs and they come above other needs most of
the time, occasionally, rudeness is just what happens.
And I always always apologize if that's gotten in the way
for someone.
Actually for the last coupl of weeks, thsi has been
somewhat necessary because I've had some major
health problems, which I'm recovering from slowly but
surely, and I've missed a lot of school and am
desperately trying to keep up. I was on academic
probation last year for my first semester, and I refuse to
let that happen again...
Anyway, the point is, I love my friends, because they
see this in me and, somehow, like me anyway. They
see me and say that they miss me! They are the ones
who understand that when they really need me, I'm
completely there for them. They are secure enough to
know that just because I don't always get together with
them for dinner, it doesn't mean that I've rejected them,
it means that I needed time to do work or be alone, or
practice my music. They understand what a weird time
this is for me and they know what is going on in my life,
because I somehow let them all know, and even
though Ihaven't been able to be there for them, they
catch me when I fall. Of course I would do the same...
the only difference is that if one of themfell, i would
catch them right before they hit the jagged rocks, and
my friends would be there right after I stepped off the
cliff... but I'd be there just the same!
So, I know they might not ever see this, but Colleen,
Asha, Stephanie, Bernadette, Ania, Matt, Kyle, Jacob,
James, TRENT.... I love you guys very much. Thank you
for being the wonderful people that you are, and I'm so
sorry for being the malicious brat that I've become... I'm
working on that!!! And I know I'll get through it and be the
same ol' fun loving person that I once was. Thank you
for your kindness your caring, your consideration, your
love, your guts, you're amazing people!!!!




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